


Fake solutions to real problems

by evakuality



Category: Druck | SKAM (Germany)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Canon Trans Character, Fake Soulmates, Fake/Pretend Relationship, It got a bit angsty sorry, M/M, Mutual Pining, POV Alternating, Trans Male Character, but it doesn't last
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-10
Updated: 2019-07-25
Packaged: 2020-04-23 21:58:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 41,826
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19159783
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/evakuality/pseuds/evakuality
Summary: Since more than 99% of people have soulmates by the age of 18 it's become normal to assume everyone has one.  Worse, most of the benefits of adulthood only kick in with proof of the soulmate bond.  So when Matteo gets to 18 and his life falls apart, everyone assumes all his problems will be solved through his ability to access the soulmate benefits.  The only problem is that Matteo doesn't have a soulmate and isn't likely to find one conveniently lying around in time to avoid his troubles.  Then David makes a suggestion that could solve everything ... if it doesn't destroy Matteo's heart first.





	1. Matteo

**Author's Note:**

> Did I decide I needed to do a fake dating story and a soulmates story all rolled into one? Yes, yes I did. I hope you enjoy this mix of tropes as much as I enjoyed writing it! 
> 
> Many many thanks to [Sarah](https://archiveofourown.org/users/strangetowns/pseuds/strangetowns) and [Camilla](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Crazyheart/pseuds/hjertetssunnegalskap) who looked this over for me, and to my other wonderful friends who also gave insight and help. You're all stars
> 
> This fic is now being translated into Russian, which can be found [over here](https://ficbook.net/readfic/8508966).

Matteo’s holed up in the corner of the room, beer in hand and fake smile plastered on his face.  The party rages around him, people swirling in and out of his sightline, all enjoying themselves.  Bodies gyrating, voices shouting along with lyrics, glasses and bottles clinking. People come and go nearby, nod at him and sometimes say things to him that he can never hear over the pounding music.  He always smiles politely and nods back; it’s usually enough. They never stay, and he’s totally fine with that. It’s hard enough to pretend to be happy while watching his best friend celebrate his newfound soulmate.  Which is such an asshole thing to even be thinking, Matteo acknowledges as he takes another sip of his drink. He grimaces as the cold bubbles hit his throat but keeps his eyes on Jonas.

He’s lit up, his face open and elated as he looks at Hanna while they dance close together.  She, in turn, smiles softly at him, her own joy no less powerful for the way it’s less obvious.  They sway, arms around each other as if they can’t bear to be apart now that they found each other.  They’re tied up into their own little world, where no-one and nothing else matters. Matteo swallows, drags his eyes away.  He should be pleased that his fuckery didn’t have lasting consequences. That, in fact, they discovered they were soulmates after a break that was apparently an essential part of the process for them.  Instead, he feels sour. He’s past the age where it’s supposed to happen, and there’s been nothing. No-one. Maybe his part in breaking Jonas and Hanna apart cancelled out his own potential for his own soulmate.  He grimaces at the thought.

Someone slides down the wall next to him, making him start.  He glances sideways and a reluctant smile slips onto his lips.  David. He raises his brows and holds his beer out to Matteo, waiting silently until he clinks it with his own.

“Hey,” he says after he takes a swig.  “Saw you moping over here and thought I’d come see why.”

“I’m not moping,” Matteo argues, though he can’t keep a small smile off his lips at David’s snort.  He shakes his head and grins, a fond amusement clear on his face.

“You’re moping like it’s your damn job, Luigi.”

Matteo shrugs, incapable of contradicting David when he knows he’s right.  He indicates in the direction of Jonas and Hanna with his head, giving in to the inevitable: letting David know what’s going through his mind.  “Do you ever wish you could have that? A proper soulmate?” he asks, turning to look at David. He’s always cared about David’s opinion; it’s always been the one he’s most keen to hear, the one he’s most upset about if it contradicts his own.  It took a while for him to realize that his interest in Jonas had moved, slid sideways. Had in fact come to rest on David, making David and his opinions  _ matter. _  David, who had come to their school towards the end of their last year.  David, who had kept to himself as much as he could, keeping his head down and doing his school work.  David who had still somehow become entangled in their group of friends as the school year finished and Abi activities took over.  David, who had eventually told them he’s trans and started relaxing once he understood they weren’t going to change now they knew.

David, who is the single most attractive guy Matteo has ever seen.  David, who is right now looking at him like he’s said something completely ridiculous.

“No,” he says firmly.  “This whole soulmate business is so shitty.”

Matteo’s brows crease in confusion.  This isn’t the usual commentary on soulmates, and was certainly not something he’d expected from artistic, romantic David.  “Shitty? How?”

The look David turns on him is intense.  “There’s no choice. You’re stuck with this one person who’s supposed to be perfect for you but you don’t get to test it.  You don’t get to go after someone you might really like just because of this other person waiting.” His eyes are dark on Matteo’s and Matteo shivers at the intensity in them, like David is trying to drill some sort of message into his skull but he isn’t getting it.  In a lifetime before his hopeless, helpless crush on Jonas, Matteo might have read something into that gaze, might have allowed the idea to thrill him to his toes. But the Matteo of today is a more careful Matteo, one who knows the pain of reading into everything a best friend might do and all the aching sadness that comes along with that, so he just nods his agreement, letting a small understanding smile tilt his mouth.  Sighing, David purses his lips, drags his eyes away from Matteo’s. “I’m glad I don’t have one,” he says as he drinks more beer. “Except for the whole …”

“Mmmm,” Matteo agrees, glad there’s something in this that they can see eye to eye on.  The whole fucked up way that society equates having a soulmate with being an adult, as if some mystical bond is supposed to make you suddenly mature or something.  He glances back over at Jonas.  _ He _ doesn’t seem all that different.  Well, apart from the lightness in his body and the laughter on his face.  “It sucks, yeah, that part.” 

He watches as Hanna kisses Jonas, their bodies seeming to meld together as they tighten their grips on each other.  A wistful desire rises in Matteo. Even though it sucks, all the expectation around soulmates, he still wishes there was someone who’d look at him like that.  Someone who might make him feel less like a misfit and a loner, destined to be always by himself. But he needs to stop allowing himself to wallow in these thoughts.  His birthday has been and gone and no soulmate has appeared. As unusual as it is to get to his age with no soulmate, it’s still well known what that means. That there isn’t one, and never will be, and Matteo needs to get his head around that sooner rather than later.  He needs to stop with this fanciful dream of suddenly finding ‘the one’ hiding out in a bathroom or something.

“Come have some fun!” David says now, as if he can read the melancholy turn Matteo’s thoughts are taking.  His head is so close to Matteo’s in order to be heard that he can smell the sharp tang of his cologne and the hint of musk from the heat.  It causes a sad wave of want to crash over Matteo and he squeezes his eyes shut in a vain attempt to push away the unwelcome feelings. Grinning, David stands and reaches down to pull Matteo onto his feet.  “You need to dance.”

Feeling happier and more settled at the mere suggestion of doing something if David is the one initiating it, Matteo nevertheless gives his now-expected groan before allowing David to drag him into the mix.  Telling himself exactly how dumb this is, Matteo still lets David keep hold of his hand even after it’s probably not necessary anymore just so he can pretend for a few moments. He’s grateful for David and the way he never does let Matteo isolate himself as much as he might otherwise.  They dance, bodies close as others push in around them, and Matteo tries to tell himself that it’s enough. That this friendship is fulfilling enough to make up for the lack of someone to call his own. No soulmate, no boyfriend of any kind. Just this. Just a Jonas who’s spending all his time with Hanna now and a David who gives as much as he can, though it’s never quite what Matteo wants.

 

The days are getting cooler, warmth almost imperceptibly bleeding into chill, and the longing isn’t getting any easier.  All around him, Matteo sees soulmated couples laughing, bonded. Their eyes drift towards each other, their smiles visibly brightening when they spot each other and their bodies turn to each other as if magnetized.  It seems as if everyone except him has that bond, and it stabs him sometimes, the loneliness. The alienation. Of course, David doesn’t have one either, but it doesn’t seem to bother him. His eyes roll sometimes when he watches the people around them, every couple mirroring the others in the same slow dance.  So it’s not like Matteo can say anything to him about all this; he’s content. His life still seems to be meaningful and complete while Matteo’s stretches ahead of him, empty and doomed to be forever incomplete.

He sighs, slumps down on the bench he’s sitting on.  Waiting. He snorts. Story of his goddam life, that.  Waiting. For Jonas this time, since he’s actually taking some time away from Hanna to see Matteo and, embarrassing as it is, Matteo will still do a lot of waiting if it means he gets Jonas to himself for a while.  He stares at the birds which are swirling around the darkening sky, wishing he had something of the same freedom. 

“Hey,” Jonas’s voice says from somewhere to his right and Matteo pulls a smile onto his face before looking over at him.

“Hey!” 

He makes himself as cheerful and bouncy as he can, but the energy it takes to be that vibrant is exhausting, and the brightness in his tone almost screams how fake this all is, making him wince.  Still, the last thing Matteo wants to do is lose Jonas completely, not now that he’s never available. So he modifies his grin to be as natural as he can and holds his hand out for a fist bump. Jonas grins back and throws himself onto the bench next to Matteo.

“Bro,” Jonas says, turning to grin at Matteo in the way that used to stop his heart but now just gives him a fond nostalgia.  There had been part of Matteo that liked the wistful ache being with Jonas would create, even while it had eaten him up from the inside.  “It’s been too long.”

“Something to do with soulmates,” Matteo teases.  “Taking up all your time.”

Jonas huffs a small laugh and nods, agreeing.  “That happens.”

“What’s it like?” Matteo asks, curiosity getting the better of him.  He should know better than to torment himself with the what ifs and the maybes, but part of him wants to hear it all, wants to know exactly what he’s missing out on.  “It happened quite late, right? You and Hanna?”

“Yeah.  Or … kind of.”  Jonas shifts on the bench, turns to Matteo.  “It’s like apparently it happened when we got together that first time.  But … it didn’t switch on properly til we got back together. It needed the break to cement or something.”  He laughs, clearly remembering the moment. “So fucking weird. But awesome.”

“Yeah,” Matteo says, managing a smile even as pain squeezes his heart.  He may not want Jonas anymore, but he still yearns for a soulmate. “It seems great.  You guys are … good. Together.”

“Thanks,” Jonas says, looking him over carefully.  He frowns a little and Matteo quickly pulls a smile onto his face and tries to relax his body  “What about you? No soulmate?”

Matteo can’t look at him when he admits it, so he turns away his smile slipping almost as fast as it had appeared, shakes his head.  He feels Jonas’s hand on his shoulder and swallows a sudden lump that lodges in his throat. 

“It can still happen,” Jonas says, his voice soft and kind.  “It could be something like me and Hanna.”

Matteo shakes his head.  “Nah,” he says. “It’s … it’s fine.  I just have to accept it and stop … you know.”

“Okay,” Jonas says, pulling his hand back.  

They sit for a few moments, thinking.  Matteo’s contemplation is only broken when his phone buzzes in his pocket.  He drags it out and stares at it, confused and unfocused for a moment. It’s his mother, so probably her usual bible verse or exhortation to be a good person.  He shoves it back into his pocket, ignoring its probable contents. It’s managed to snap him out of his own thoughts, however, and reminded him that he’s losing precious Jonas time.

“You wanna do something?” he asks.  “Get some food?”

“Yeah sure,” Jonas says, standing and holding a hand out to Matteo.  “Get my mind off all this adulting shit they dump on you.” He laughs, before sighing.  “Having a soulmate is great and all but the paperwork is intense.”

“Paperwork?” Matteo asks, confused.

“So much paperwork.  For housing and those ‘hey you’re an adult now’ ID cards and everything like that.  It’s like as soon as you get a soulmate you have to be all mature.”

Matteo laughs, pushes him.  “Not easy for you.”

“Shut up, asshole,” Jonas says as he pushes back with his shoulder.  “I can be mature.”

“Mmmm, sure.”  Matteo winks and Jonas gasps with affected affront and the resulting scuffle, the contact and easy laughter make it feel almost like old times.

“Let’s go, then,” Jonas says after a moment when they’ve stopped to catch their breaths.  “I left Hanna swearing over some of the stuff she has to fill in, and I should probably get back before she gets too frustrated.”

There’s something in his voice that speaks of his own frustration at the separation.  Nodding, Matteo lets Jonas lead the way. He knows it’s normal, and that Jonas of course wants to be with Hanna.  That’s how soulmates work, that you start getting twitchy when you’re apart for too long. But it still hurts to watch it happen with Jonas, hurts to be the one on the outside again.  Even if things aren’t the way they used to be, even if Matteo doesn’t care in that way anymore, it’s still hard to acknowledge that his best friend isn’t all his. Never was, definitely never will be, and that Matteo has no chance of having the same thing himself.  He’s thankful Jonas wants to spend time with him at all; it’s not so usual in the early stages of soulmating for people to spend too much time apart, so it says a lot about how Jonas sees their friendship. But that doesn’t make it easier. They eat and it’s fun, like always.  Jonas is focused and attentive as he always is. But there comes a moment when it’s obvious that his focus has shifted and he starts getting jittery. Matteo laughs.

“Time to go and fill in all that exciting paperwork,” he says.

Jonas relaxes, his body losing the strain that’s been building up over the last half hour, and he grins.  “Yeah. Worth it though, all these cool benefits you get just from …”

He glances over at Matteo, sees his face and his smile falls a little.  Not wanting to make his friend feel bad, Matteo drags a grin onto his own face and rolls his eyes.  “You really have become old and boring,” he says and Jonas sticks his tongue out before turning and jogging off.  He spins back to salute Matteo before he’s gone. 

He wanders aimlessly after Jonas leaves.  He doesn’t really want to go back home. His mother hasn’t been all that well since his father left, her focus shifting more or less imperceptibly towards her religion and the comfort she gets from that, and her mental healthy slipping as they both become used to his father not being around anymore.  None of it is something Matteo wants to engage with, not given what he remembers from bible classes, about how people like him are … well. And worrying about his mother’s mental health is second nature when he’s with her, even though she seems to be getting a little better lately.

His phone buzzes insistently again and he drags it out.  It’s his mother again. For a second he considers leaving it unread, but then he sighs.  He really should acknowledge her.

_ You need to come home now.  I can’t stay here; they’re taking me away. _

Matteo frowns as he looks at it.  This isn’t the sort of thing she usually sends.  He remembers the earlier message and scrolls back a little so he can see it.  This one stops his heart in his chest.

_ The therapist says I can’t look after you anymore. _

Matteo squints at it.  Therapist? Of course, he knows she’s been seeing someone.  It’s something that has been helping her cope with everything.  But this seems different to usual, difficult to follow. Her usual mix of bible verses and encouragement is always something Matteo can follow.  But today he’s baffled. Her words aren’t very informative so he forces himself towards their home to figure it out. Whatever this is, he’s sure it’ll all sort out soon.  Since his father left it hasn’t been easy, but they’ve been coping. Or he’d thought they had.

He gets home to find strangers in their space, sitting at the kitchen table and smiling at him over cups of something aromatic his mother has made.  If it wasn’t for the messages, Matteo would think this is all normal; none of them look particularly concerned. But the messages do sit there on his phone, worrying bursts of colour in his head every time he thinks of them, and they remind him that this isn’t normal.

“What’s going on?” he asks, coming to a halt just inside the door and taking in the scene.

“Matteo, is it?” The woman who speaks is kindly, somewhere around middle age, with a soft smile and wisps of greying hair escaping from the ponytail she’s pulled it into.  He’s not sure why he’s noticing that, except that it keeps his heart rate from spinning too wildly out of control. He watches as one strand swings slowly, brushing her temple before she pushes it away with a thoughtless motion.

“Your mother’s not well right now,” she says and his attention snaps to her eyes.  “We need to take her into a hospital for a while, to help her.”

He glances at his mother.  She’s sitting, pale but seemingly normal, at the table as well.  She nods. “It’s for the best,” she whispers, not quite holding his eyes.  “I … need help.”

He nods, numbly, as they talk him through what this all means.  Through the knowledge that he’s had his eighteenth birthday so he’s legally able to stay with his soulmate ( _ what soulmate? _ he thinks but doesn’t say), and that with the unpredictability of his mother’s stay in hospital they can’t keep the apartment they’re in.  The explanations are all kindly, and they all do and say what they think will help him through it. But Matteo can feel the panic rising, because he doesn’t have a soulmate so none of the calming comments and soothing platitudes work.  Because none of the solutions actually apply to him. They take him to an official looking building to discuss what he can do and how he can access all the things he needs to access, but it’s all a fog as he thinks about his mother as they led her away, about how she looked the way she always has though her eyes seemed sadder than usual.  As he thinks about what he’s going to do now.

The panic only sets in for real when he’s actually in the beige office of the kind woman who’s talking him through his options.  The knowledge that he could be homeless in the near future doesn’t really register until he sits, barely taking in any of the words she’s saying.  But his heart stutters in his chest and his breaths come in small harsh pants as the reality starts to sink in. He focuses on his hands, the sharp details of his nails drawing his attention; it’s the only way to stop himself from giving in completely to the panic that threatens to overwhelm him.  Matteo only tunes back in, eyes flickering up to her face for a moment, when the woman taps her pen gently on the paper and clears her throat.

“And of course, this will be easy for you.  You’re of age, right?”

Matteo nods, his eyes fixed again on his hands rather than on her face.  It helps, a little. Stops the shaking when he concentrates, means he doesn’t have to quite acknowledge what he’s being told.  It doesn’t stop him from hearing her approving hum as the pen she’s using scratches on the paper in front of her.

“Good.  Good. Then you and your soulmate can apply for housing.  Just a formality, of course; there’s always housing for soulmated couples.”

She waits, the pause long enough that Matteo finally drags his eyes up to her face and catches the expectant look.  He shakes himself, forces his attention to her.

“I’m sorry.  I missed … um, what?”

“I said you’ll put in a soulmated application for housing, and it should be confirmed in just a few days.  In the meantime, you have a friend you can stay with? Maybe your soulmate?”

“Mmmm,” Matteo says, trying not to confirm that he has a soulmate, his conscience rebelling at the idea of lying.  But he’s also unwilling to admit to this woman that he doesn’t have one. There’s something so painful in making it real, in letting the officials know that he’s one of the unlucky ones, and it stills his tongue even when he really should be telling her.  

“Good, that’s good.”  She beams at him. “Just bring your soulmate in sometime this week and we can get that all arranged.”

Matteo escapes, shame flooding him that he wasn’t able to tell this well meaning official that he’s not going to be able to apply for housing, that he doesn’t qualify.  He slumps back against the wall outside and sucks in a panicked breath. She had assumed he had someone, that this thing with his parents would just be a small blip in his life.  She assumed because more than 99% of people have a soulmate, so it’s obvious he must have one too. The conversation with Jonas, and all the things that having a soulmate allows him access to, floods back into Matteo’s mind and he has to suck in a shaky breath.  It’s not just housing. There are so many things that come along with ‘adulthood’ (or ‘soulmatehood’ which is what they really mean) and from which Matteo is now barred. 

Matteo has been focused on how lonely it is not having a soulmate, on how he’s going to be alone for the rest of his life, watching friends connect and enjoy life and love while he sits on the sidelines and life passes him by.  But it’s worse than that, worse than just facing life alone with no soulmate for love and support. Now Matteo faces being on the street. 

His heart beats a stressful, heavy beat and he has to close his eyes and force himself to stop shaking, the reaction from the office returning now that he’s alone and has no reason to stop it.  This is all bigger than just loneliness; it’s how he lives and supports himself. Maybe in a year or two when he has qualifications and the ability to get a decent job Matteo won’t feel this way.  But right now, with his parents’ relationship broken down, his father gone and his mother incapable of supporting him, Matteo faces a stark future.

He drags his phone out of his pocket with shaking hands and presses the first number he can think of.

“Hello?” a soft voice answers, and to his eternal shame Matteo can’t speak.  He opens his mouth and all that comes out is a strangled gasp. He can hear the panic in his own voice, even in that one sound and it sparks a cascade of anxiety through him which leaves him shaking and nauseated.  He can barely hear David through the fog as he says his name and asks what he can do. “Matteo? What’s up? Is this …?”

His voice is concerned; the warm tinge that always sets Matteo’s heart racing slightly is edged by something sharp and anxious as he asks if Matteo is panicking.  It forces something in Matteo to still the shuddering, swim up from the fog a little in order to get some sort of words out.

“I … uh.”  He stops, takes a breath, drags some air back into his lungs, makes himself count to ten before continuing.  It’s not easy, but at least he gets the words out this time. “It’s all shit. Can I come over?”

“Yeah, of course.”

But David’s voice is wary and the concern is there in every syllable.  It’s enough to make Matteo feel a deep shame, but there’s no-one else anyway.  His parents are out, obviously. Jonas and the boys are all with their soulmates, all new enough that they don’t want time apart from each other.  Nor do they want other people crashing at their homes, not while their happiness is so new and so intoxicating. Not that Matteo can really ask a home of David either, but he has to go somewhere for the meantime.

David’s face is difficult to read when he opens the door for Matteo.  It’s all Matteo can do to mumble out a tiny, “hey,” as he hovers awkwardly on the doorstep.  In response, David’s face slips into a smile of his own. Matteo relaxes, feels the tension slowly seep out of his body.  It’s not  _ okay, _ but it’s not bad either.  David is at least letting him into the hallway.  He steps back and lets the door swing further open, his hand indicating that Matteo should move inside.

Swallowing, he does.  He doesn’t want to catch David’s eyes, not after the embarrassment he made of himself earlier.  But Matteo knows if he’s going to hang out with David, he can’t exactly avoid him either. Seeming to recognize how awkward Matteo is feeling, David simply smiles and moves back further into the hallway.  His smile settles some of the unease that’s been sitting with Matteo since the woman made her assumptions, and he’s able to take a steadying breath and follow.

“So, uh …” David says as he leads the way through into the kitchen and flicks on a kettle, “you didn’t say what the problem was.”

Matteo flushes, feels the ugly red staining his cheeks as he remembers the way he fell apart on the phone.  Remembers  _ why _ he feels so awkward with someone who is one of his best friends.

“Yeah.”  He sighs, slumping onto one of the stools by the counter and admitting defeat.  It’ll come out sooner or later; it always does around David. That ability to draw Matteo out of himself without even trying is both the best and worst thing about him.  Still,  _ this _ is finally something about soulmates that he can share with David.  It’s not just a stupid desire for someone to be with to have love and happiness; it’s his ability to care for himself.  “I’m … I can’t stay at home anymore. My … my parents don’t have space anymore.” 

Matteo stops and thinks for a while, bitterly amused at how none of that sums up what’s really going on, but reluctant to go into much more detail than that.  He doesn’t want to explain exactly how fucked up his home life is now, that his mother has finally broken down completely which, with his father gone, makes Matteo effectively homeless.  

Without a home.  

The very thought sends a wash of cold panic through him and he has to bite his lip to keep from breaking down again.

David seems to get it, though; he nods, encouragingly, and Matteo allows himself to relax a little more. Allows himself to catch David’s eyes properly.  His mouth twists at the concern he sees in David’s gaze, and he rushes through the rest of it. “And well … I don’t have a soulmate, so … no soulmate bonus stuff, like housing.”  He shrugs. “So there’s nowhere to go.”

“There’s here,” David says, leaning on his hands on the other side of the counter, that concern bleeding through into his tone even as he keeps up his easy smile.  Even as he gives Matteo one last searching look and turns back to making drinks.

Matteo shakes his head.  “I can’t. Not for long; that’s too much.”

David’s smile slips a little, his eyes dart towards Matteo for a moment, then away back to the drinks as his forehead creases.  “I’m your friend,” he says. “Why can’t you stay?”

“You know how this works,” Matteo says.  “Everyone has a soulmate, so …”

“I don’t,” David points out, his hands quick and efficient with the cups he’s pulling out of a cupboard.  “And you don’t. It’s not impossible without one.”

There he goes again, Matteo muses.  Always so damn positive about it all.  Some days he wonders where David gets that from; he’s been through some shit in his life, after all.  Matteo knows that, David hasn’t held back in long evenings talking about everything, but it doesn’t seem to bother him.  Or at least if it did once, it doesn’t anymore. He remains almost ridiculously cheerful about everything. That’s yet another reason why Matteo shouldn’t stay here long.  David doesn’t need Matteo and his shit getting in the way of his zenlike calm. 

“You don’t understand.”

David looks him over carefully as he slides the coffee he’s just poured over to Matteo.  “You could try me,” he says, and there’s something in his eyes that drags a reluctant smile from Matteo.  Something sparkling and kind. Something genuine and sweet. Something that makes Matteo wish it meant David feels the same way he does.  He shakes himself out of that line of thinking; he needs to remember that David is not for him, not like that.

He lets himself think for a few moments.  David watches, his eyes intent as they flit over Matteo’s face, dropping only when he takes a sip of his own drink.  Matteo weighs it up, the pros and cons of telling David versus not. In the end Matteo decides he may as well. Nothing he says here is going to change anything anyway and he should get used to telling people.

He sucks in a breath, wincing at the way it shudders with his nerves.  “I went to see the official people I had to talk to about … about my parents and their crap.”  Even now, Matteo can’t bring himself to talk about that in detail, and he huffs out a tiny laugh at himself.  “Anyway, they made it clear that I need to use the soulmate thing to get somewhere to live. Without my parents, and being of age, I don’t have any other options.  And you know as well as I do that you and your sister can’t have extra people living here. Not for real.”

He shrugs, lets out the helplessness he’s been feeling all day.  He grits his teeth, looks away and blinks hard, in an effort not to cry, because as shitty as this whole day has been, crying in front of David would just be the icing on the shit cake.

“Fuck,” David says, and Matteo chances a glance up at his face.  There’s no hint of his usual sanguine expression or easy, happy retort.  There’s only a deep compassion. It makes Matteo’s throat suddenly tight and he has to look away from it.  It speaks of a genuine understanding and it’s like a light has flicked on in Matteo’s brain. It makes a nauseating sense that David would be so compassionate now.  It sheds light on why he’s so happy all the time; it’s because he has been here, has felt all the pressure of a helpless and hopeless situation, so he  _ knows _ and this is his way of coping.  Matteo swallows around the lump.

“Yeah,” he whispers as he wraps his hands around his cup again and stares at its surface as if it might help find an answer.  There’s a tiny bubble swirling, bouncing off the sides every now and then. Watching it is easier than facing any of what he has to deal with.  His hands, he notices dispassionately, are still shaking even as the warmth of the mug seeps through.

“We’ll figure it out,” David says.  

He reaches his hand out and lets it sit on top of one of Matteo’s.  Its weight stills something in Matteo that he didn’t even know was bubbling; he feels an immediate lessening of the stress and tension that’s been building up since he realised the enormity of his situation.  Matteo sucks in a breath and looks at David again, his own feelings probably naked on his face. How often has he wanted something like that from David, but with meaning? David drops his eyes to their hands, blinks as if he only just realizes what he’s done, then snatches his away quickly.  There’s a stain of red on his cheeks as he grabs his own cup again. 

He takes a sip then looks back over at Matteo with a serious look.  “Between us, we’ll work it out.”

“I don’t see how.”

Matteo still feels defeated; nothing has changed and the tiny sliver of relief he feels from sharing it hasn’t done anything to lessen the huge weight sitting on his chest.  David thinks for a while, his face pensive and his eyes distant, then smiles, but it’s not his usual mischievous or fun loving one. This one is calculating and purposeful. It makes Matteo shiver.  “What if you did have a soulmate?” he asks.

“That would solve everything,” Matteo acknowledges.  “But I don’t so there’s no use in talking about it.”

“Okay, so put it another way.  What if these officials  _ thought _ you have a soulmate?”

Squinting, Matteo frowns at him.  “I don’t under-”

“Yeah you do.  What if you … or we, really, pretend that I’m your soulmate?  Then you get housing and it’s all fixed.”

Matteo stares at him, mouth agape and mind whirling.  Did David really just suggest pretending that they have the most intimate bond any two people can have?  Surely that’s just some fevered figment of his imagination, rising from too much stress and too close proximity to David.

“I’m sorry, did you just …?”

“Yeah.  Think about it!”  David’s excited now, he’s leaning forward, face lit up and hands flowing as he explains.  “It’s all inside us anyway, this soulmate shit, so they couldn’t tell. We’d just have to be convincing for a short while and voila!”

“Voila,” Matteo echoes weakly.  There are so many reasons why this is a terrible idea, not least because being ‘convincing for a short while’ might just kill him.  But there is a tiny piece of him that thrills both to the hope that he can avoid couchsurfing or whatever it is that people like him do, and to the idea of pretending with David.  As much as it might kill him, the idea of being able to touch and connect with David is too intoxicating to ignore. They’d have to be together most of the time, touch and hold and even ...

“What do you think?”  David’s voice cuts across his thoughts and makes him jump.  Matteo looks back up at him, and can’t keep the smile from his face at the pride he can see.  The way David is looking at him makes Matteo helpless in a whole other way.

“I … yeah.  Okay, I guess.”

“Great.”

David grins at him and turns back to his drink, his face still glowing from the delight in his explanation and a soft smile playing around his lips.  Matteo does the same, wondering just how hard this is going to be even as his whole body slumps from the relief at a solution, however impractical.

Pretend soulmates.  He can do this.


	2. David

It was the desperation in Matteo’s eyes that really did for him, David thinks as he contemplates what he just suggested.  They’ve moved to sit down at the table now, but his fingers still burn with a warmth that has nothing to do with the heat of the mug he’s holding and everything to do with the way it had felt to have Matteo’s hand under them.  He’s usually so careful with how he acts around Matteo, not willing to give in to his feelings when it’s fairly clear Matteo is still hung up on Jonas, and David risks losing one of the best friendships he’s ever had if he lets his feelings have free rein.  There’s the occasional time he tries to imply something, usually when he’s drunk and desperate, but Matteo always just smiles his usual smile and things stay the way they always have been. Which is enough, David tells himself as he shuts down all those hopes again.  This friendship means everything to him.

But something about the pain and vulnerability Matteo’s been displaying today has broken through the protective shell David has built up around his heart and he’d let himself reach out and touch.  His hand had moved almost of its own accord and settled onto Matteo’s, and now the warmth of his skin under David’s fingers lingers even while he’s trying to pretend he didn’t just do  _ that.  _

Matteo had given him a look when they touched, naked and raw and filled with his pain.  It had called to something David had thought he’d been keeping safe and secret. Something that was only going to get him and his stupid emotions in trouble.  That something had given him what was probably the dumbest idea he’s come up with yet. 

Fake soulmates.  

What had he been thinking?  If being with Matteo under normal circumstances is hard, how much harder is it going to be when they have to pretend to be so deeply in love that they finally recognised a soulmate connection even after the age at which it’s supposed to turn up?  This is the most fucked up thing David has ever done, which is saying something considering some of the decisions he’s made in his life.

David clears his throat and looks over at Matteo.  His eyes are fixed on his mug as if he’ll discover some great secret in its depths.  His hair falls around his face, obscuring his eyes and masking whatever it is he’s feeling.  But there’s a tiny smile at the corner of his lips which lifts David’s heart. The idea of letting Matteo into his inner thoughts as much as he’s going to have to is terrifying, makes his body strain with the mere thought of that sort of intimacy.  Matteo glances up and his smile grows before his eyes drop back to his mug. Warmth floods David just from that one moment of connection and he swallows. David will do a lot just for the knowledge that he helped Matteo feel better, that  _ he _ was able to move him from the panic of earlier to this calm.  He really is screwed. He clears his throat, and Matteo’s eyes snap up from his mug to lock with David’s.

“We … uh.  There are probably things we should work out.”

That’s good, David praises himself.  Make it casual and easy. Businesslike.  Soulmates as a concept may be bullshit, but this is important for Matteo and they need to do this right.  That may just destroy David’s heart, but he has to do what he can to make it realistic, to make sure this achieves what Matteo needs it to.  But if he can distance himself a little by making it work like a business deal, then maybe David will make it through unscathed.

He watches as Matteo squares his shoulders and sits up straighter, then licks his lips before his gaze flickers away from David’s.  The hope of keeping a distance is probably futile, David thinks as his gaze snags on those lips. 

“Yeah.  Yeah you’re right.”

“Mmmm,” David says, and his heart squeezes as he even thinks of what they’re going to be having to do.  He wants this so badly, that was part of the appeal of the suggestion after all, but he also dreads it; how will he ever survive?  Still, he adminishes himself, they need to try.

“We need to practice doing that thing they all do.”

Matteo’s lips quirk up again and he rolls his eyes.  “That magnetized thing?”

Feeling his own face splitting into a helpless grin, David laughs.  If they treat it light heartedly like this, it’ll be fine; David isn’t going to disgrace himself in front of Matteo.  Or not yet anyway. “Yeah. It’s got to be convincing.”

“Okay,” Matteo agrees.  “But how?”

Throwing caution to the wind, because this is nothing if not a good excuse to actually touch like he’s always wanted, David reaches one finger out and traces it down Matteo’s cheek.  “I think,” he says quietly, holding Matteo’s gaze and taking in the tiny catch of his breath as he does so, “I think we need to get used to doing this.”

Matteo’s eyes close for a tiny second before he opens them, sucks in a breath and smiles.  It looks a little wobbly, but steadies as their eyes meet again. Matteo’s fingers drift up so they can tangle with David’s where it sits resting on his jawline.  David has spent his entire time with Matteo being careful, trying not to let himself touch or even get too close, so this is heady. Being allowed to do this after so long is both thrilling and terrifying.  His heart races for a moment but then settles into something peaceful. It’s not weird, the way he’d expected, but rather feels natural somehow.

Whatever Matteo might have to do to manage this, David knows  _ he’s _ got it down pat.  He’s always drawn to Matteo anyway.  If Matteo’s in a room that’s where his gaze will drift if he doesn’t force himself not to.  He can feel all the helpless tenderness he has for this boy seeping onto his face, considers throwing his mask back up, but soon realizes that he’s going to have to let it all out if they’re ever going to convince others.  His only hope is that Matteo thinks he’s just an excellent actor.

Matteo takes a shaky breath, and his eyes slip away from David’s.  It allows David a moment to pull his own body into line. His fingers, he notices when he looks down, are still caught up in Matteo’s even now they’ve dropped away from his face, and they’re trembling.  He’s about to disentangle them and talk about how they’re going to let people know, when the door crashes open and Laura’s voice sings out a greeting.

Matteo’s eyes widen and he pulls his fingers away, leaving a cold trail where they’d just been connected.  David shakes his head, catching Matteo’s eyes, and takes his hand again. “We have to start telling people,” he whispers as she comes around and into the room.  “It has to be convincing, remember?” Matteo visibly swallows, steeling himself before nodding. David doesn’t blame him; this is sooner than they expected. But they have to make it believable and soon; Matteo’s living situation depends on it.

Laura stills just inside the doorway, her eyes immediately going to their hands.  “What’s this?” she asks, suspicion in her voice.

David lets his gaze flicker over to Matteo, sees how uncomfortable he looks.  He squeezes his hand, trying to get him to smile. It works; a tiny one creeps onto the corners of his mouth and his eyes move to Laura before flickering back to David’s again and filling with a warmth that David wishes meant more than it does.  

“We … uh.  We figured something out,” David says, dragging his eyes away from Matteo to look at Laura, and he can hear the pride in his voice.  Wincing, he hopes Matteo thinks he’s just proud of convincing her.

Her face splits into a grin and she rushes over to drag David into a hug.  “God, about time!” she says. “This has been so obvious for so long.”

Gulping, David glances over at Matteo; it’s not exactly fun that his sister is basically exposing his long standing crush to him.  Matteo’s response is to blush, a charming red blooming in his cheeks, and David can’t drag his eyes away from the sight. “Wasn’t obvious to us,” he mumbles, trying to ask Matteo with his eyes if he’s okay using the soulmate word yet or if he’d rather let her think it’s just them getting together.  Matteo gives an almost imperceptible shrug. 

“That’s because you’re both dumbasses,” she says, pouring herself her own cup of coffee and moving to sit at the table with them.  “So,” she says with that mischievous grin that always makes David wary, “how did you figure it out?”

David looks over at Matteo, but he looks so much like a deer caught in headlights that David realizes he’s going to have to be the one who makes up whatever story they’re using.  On the spot. Fuck. 

“That’s a funny story,” he says slowly, squeezing Matteo’s hand again and relishing the way his face relaxes a little at the connection.  David turns back to Laura who’s watching them with such affection that he can feel his own cheeks heating up. It’s not really fair that he’s deceiving her.  But it’s essential that their secret stays safe, so he just smiles at her. “We noticed something weird recently. It’s … well, things are just more …” he casts around for a good word to describe what he wants to claim for their non-existent bond, and remembers how it felt to touch Matteo with purpose.  “It’s peaceful,” he says, smiling back over at Matteo. “When we touch, it’s peaceful. And that seemed a bit … weird?”

“Are you asking me?” Laura asks with another fond laugh.

“No,” David says, exasperated. “We just talked a bit and it fell into place.”

“Soulmates,” Matteo says, his voice shaky but David’s pretty sure that Laura won’t notice that.  She doesn’t know him as well as David does, so she isn’t likely to pick up on his uneasiness. “It must have started a while ago,” Matteo adds, his voice gaining confidence and doing things to David’s heart, “but we never really touched so we didn’t notice.”

“Because you’re dumbasses,” Laura says, nodding sagely.  “At least you finally figured it out.”

David sucks in a relieved breath and holds Matteo’s gaze again.  He looks like he’s about to collapse from the stress, so David excuses them to his bedroom to ‘talk about all this stuff more’ and Laura nods, pats his cheek and turns to the book she’s been reading.  Her casual, easy acceptance of the situation has relieved some of the tension David was feeling. He falls onto his bed and lets his breath out in a tiny giggle. Matteo follows, limbs floppy and his face light now that they’re alone.  The sight does something to David’s heart, flipping it over in his chest and making it ache softly. 

To distract himself from the sight of Matteo in his bed, David focuses on the important thing.  They got through telling the first person and she accepted it without question. Since she knows David as well as anyone, that bodes well for the meeting with the officials.  He says as much to Matteo, who smiles.

“How did you come up with that bond thing?”

Unwilling to admit that he drew on his actual real feelings, David just shrugs.  “I … it just seemed like a good soulmate thing, and it’s not something they can really prove, right?”

Matteo reaches out, rests his hand on David’s chest, softly.  The touch is feather light as if he’s not entirely sure he should be doing it.  As stupid as it seems, the power of suggestion means that David really does feel like his heart rate steadies as he feels that hand resting above his ribs, losing some of the speed adrenaline had given it when they were with Laura.  He tangles their fingers together, holding Matteo’s hand close to his chest, silently letting him know that it’s okay. They have to get used to this, after all, if they’re going to fool the people who matter.

“It is a good soulmate thing,” Matteo whispers.  There’s a softness in his voice that reminds David that he’s always wanted a soulmate, unlike David.  “It’s the sort of thing that could be real.”

“This isn’t too weird for you, is it?” David asks quietly, stroking Matteo’s thumb with his own.  He tells himself it’s all to get them used to the act, but part of him settles into it. Part of him revels in being able to shower Matteo with all the affection he’s been holding back, even if it’s in such a fake situation.

Matteo tenses, his body pulling back a little, and the soft closeness they’d been feeling is shattered.  “Why would it be weird?” he asks, and now there’s a hint of anxiety in the wobbling of his voice.

“Nothing, really,” David says.  His other hand comes up to tangle in Matteo’s hair, an attempt to relieve the tension that’s thrumming in his body in the hopes that it will draw him close again.  “I just know you wanted a real soulmate and this could be …”

The stiffness in Matteo’s smile fades and his eyes slip closed for a few moments.  “No,” he says, his body relaxing and his head tilting into the touch of David’s fingers running through his hair.  “I gave up thinking about that ages ago. It’s not happening, so this is good.” He opens his eyes and looks back at David.  They’re so clear and beautiful, honesty and vulnerability shining in his gaze, that David feels an ache in his throat at the next words.  “I’m grateful that you’d do something like this to help me even though you hate the entire idea.”

“Mmmm,” David says, suddenly suspicious because Laura hadn’t brought that up and he hasn’t exactly hidden his feelings about it.  He’s going to have to quiz her on it later. “I don’t hate the  _ entire _ idea; it’s just bullshit being tied to someone just because.  I’d rather … pick someone for myself.”

He can hear the dumb pining in his voice, can hear the way his desperation to pick  _ Matteo _ is bleeding into the things he’s saying.   _ I wish I could have you, _ he thinks, despairingly.  But he knows it’s impossible.  Even if Matteo says he’s over the idea of finding a soulmate, it’s clear in his voice and the way it trembles over the syllables when he talks about it, that he still really wants one.  And whatever else comes of this, David knows that part’s impossible. 

He sighs.  Matteo’s snuggled up close now, his head resting on David’s shoulder.  It feels so natural that a painful delight rises in David’s chest, threatening to overwhelm him.  What he wouldn’t do to have this for real, to have Matteo choose to be with him not for convenience but because he  _ wants _ to.  

Soon enough Matteo’s head is heavy on David’s shoulder and his fingers relax in his own.  He’s been gripping David’s hand, as if he’s been scared David would let go, but now it’s loosened enough that the tips of his fingers barely brush against David’s palm.  David extricates himself with a little effort, sliding out from under the sleeping boy, and makes his way back out to the kitchen.

Laura sets her book down and looks at him, her brows raised and a slight smile on her face.  David knows that look; it’s the one she uses when she’s determined to drag his innermost thoughts out and won’t rest until she’s satisfied.  He shrugs, though he knows he’s not going to get away with ignoring her obvious desire to talk. To compose himself and ready his thoughts for the coming onslaught, David starts grabbing things out to cook for dinner.  Laura snorts and comes to stand beside him, taking some of the ingredients off his hands.

“Matteo okay?” she asks as she starts chopping, and he glances sideways.  Maybe she does understand him better than David had thought.

“Yeah.  He’s just … there’s stuff at home that’s getting to him.”

“Mmmm,” she says.  “Well with this soulmate thing you’ll be able to get your own place.  If you want.”

“Yeah,” he says carefully, wary of saying too much and showing just how convenient it is that they ‘discovered’ they’re soulmates now.  “We haven’t really talked about that yet. It’s all a bit new.”

“Yeah,” she agrees.  “I meant it, you know.  It’s good, even if it took you long enough.”

He smiles and nods.  It’s weird to have her so happy for him about something so fake.  About something that part of him wishes was real even though he thinks soulmates are a bane on society.  Just look at how fucked up Matteo’s life is right now, where he has to pretend to have a soulmate just to survive.  The mere idea pisses David off, and he has to push it away, focus on the work in front of him in order to remain calm.

Laura smirks as if she understands some of his irritation.  She methodically chops, keeps her eyes on her work and lets him settle.  They work together in silence for a few minutes before it gets too much and David sets his knife down and turns to look at her.  “You know how I feel about soulmates,” he says. “So how come you’re so happy?”

Laura smiles at him, her face gentle.  “Because I think you don’t hate it as much as you think you do.  And because he makes you happy.”

Being this close to his sister can be awkward at times like this; she knows him too well and too easily sees to the heart of things.  Worse, she’s not afraid to tell him what she sees. It’s hard to keep the pleased smile off his lips, though, because she’s right; Matteo does make him happy.  The problem, of course, is that he doesn’t do the same for Matteo. That sits as a heavy weight on David’s chest even as his heart soars at Laura’s words. She slips her arm around his waist and leans her head against his briefly.  There’s a warmth and a comfort there that reminds him he’s loved even as he’s risking his comfort for Matteo. He lets his body relax into her embrace.

“Okay dork,” she says, pulling away and turning back to the food.  “Let’s get this done so you can feed your new soulmate properly.”

David allows himself to laugh.  He knows he’s not the greatest cook and her gentle teasing helps to calm some of the swirling dread that’s starting to churn in his belly now that Matteo isn’t right there in front of him reminding David of why he’s suggesting this ridiculous scheme.  The fears that clutch at him aren’t as scary when he knows he has her support no matter what. They work together in easy harmony and the afternoon slips into evening. 

Matteo joins them, yawning and looking so beautiful in his sleep-rumpled state that David finds it hard to look at him.  Keeping his feelings off his face will be impossible if he doesn’t keep somewhat aloof. Then Matteo plasters himself to David’s back, wrapping his arms around his waist, and David remembers.  He’s allowed to do this now, has to in fact. So he takes one of the hands that’s held lightly against his hip, laces their fingers together and leans back so his head rests comfortably against Matteo’s cheek.  It’s nice and David could get very used to this, which is incredibly dangerous to his sense of wellbeing. They have to detangle to move to the table to eat, and David feels the loss even as he sits next to Matteo and their legs press together.  Laura smiles benignly at them, winking at David when his gaze lingers for too long. They eat, talk, laugh. It’s so easy and natural that David sometimes forgets it’s all an act.

 

He blinks awake the next morning to an even more sleep-rumpled Matteo, with his cheek pressed against the pillow and his mouth slightly open.  His face is so different in repose and David watches him in fascination. The usual tautness of his jaw is gone, leaving a softness and vulnerability that tugs at David’s heart.  He’s so  _ fucked. _  The small bit of distance he thought he’d be able to keep in order to survive this thing has already shattered, lost in the plump lines of lips that are relaxed for once and in the flutter of eyelashes that he’s never allowed himself to examine before.  Resisting the urge to trace the lines of the face before him, to tease out the nuances of the difference between sleeping Matteo and wakeful Matteo, David still drinks in the boy in front of him. His eyes flit greedily over the planes of Matteo’s face, giving in to the long-held desire to look, properly look.

Matteo stirs, smiles.  “You’re staring,” he mutters without even opening his eyes, and David has to laugh.

“You can’t tell that,” he says.  

Matteo reaches a hand out and without thinking David settles his own into it, the fingers twining together as naturally as if they’ve been doing this for years.

“I can hear you staring,” Matteo says, finally cracking one eyelid open and grinning.  “Your thoughts are really loud.”

“Ass,” David says, then throws his last sensible thought to the wind and tugs on Matteo, hinting that he should come closer.  Matteo hesitates for a moment, but then David sees the realization kick in: they have to do this, they have to get used to it.  The moment when Matteo steels himself to do it is like a splash of cold water, reminding David that none of this is real.

But then Matteo settles up against his chest and there’s something about the feel of him there that makes something calm inside David.  He’s wanted it for so long and it feels so right, the weight of Matteo’s body so perfect on his own. Pity none of it is real. He lets his breath out, stares at the wall.

“So how do we do this?’ he asks.

“Huh?”

“The official soulmate stuff?  How do we do it?”

Matteo shrugs, determinedly casual.  “Dunno. Never bothered to ask Jonas.”

David laughs, charmed by Matteo’s new chill; it suits him better than the panicked stress of yesterday.  “Maybe you could make use of your technology and ask him now.”

“Ass,” Matteo says, pushing him, but he’s already leaning away to drag his jacket closer so he can find his phone.  David misses the contact even as it returns, and he rolls his eyes at himself.  _ It’s not real, _ he almost shouts inside his head.  Matteo’s tucked up against him again and David’s heart is flipping over in his chest again at the way he’s so casually comfortable with the contact.  He swallows as Matteo taps something out and chuckles as he gets a reply.

“Apparently you go to the office and get ‘a million papers’ to fill in.”  Matteo moves so he can look up and into David’s eyes. “Jonas isn’t very happy about all the paperwork.”

“Guess we should do that sooner rather than later,” David says.  “You need to get sorted.”

Matteo’s face falls, the light fading from his eyes and his lips dragging in between his teeth as he sighs and nods.  “Yeah,” he says. “Sorted.” 

They don’t move.  David can’t bring himself to let go of this moment.  He knows there will be more, that there will have to be more.  But this one feels unique somehow; it’s the first one and it’s special.  Fake or not, being with Matteo like this is a dream come true and David is reluctant to burst the bubble they’re in.  He’s too warm and comfortable to want to move. Matteo doesn’t seem to be in any hurry either, but eventually their stomachs make themselves known and David reluctantly slides out of bed.  He looks behind him, at the way Matteo looks as he’s curling up and insisting he’s not moving. His stomach plummets.  _ Why can’t this be real? _

 

By the time they’re walking to the registration office, Matteo’s face has set again into its usual tension, jaw taut and chin jutted out.  His eyes are haunted and David has no idea how to relax him. It makes sense that he’d feel that way, of course; it becomes real now. They have to convince people for real, and if they fail then the consequences could be far reaching.  And probably not just for Matteo. David gulps, stops. He can’t let those thoughts intrude too much, not if he’s going to be any use to Matteo today.

“Hey,” he says softly.  “It’s going to be fine.”

Matteo looks back at him, stopping too.  He still looks anxious, fiddling with his hands and shifting on his feet.  David takes one of his hands, slides their fingers together. It takes a few seconds but eventually Matteo relaxes, the tension draining out of his body, at the reminder that they’re in this together.

“We can do this,” Matteo says, taking a breath and smiling more naturally than he has since they left the apartment.

“Yeah we can,” David says.

They walk the rest of the way with their hands held tight.  As much as it’s ostensibly for the act, David feels better when he’s holding Matteo’s hand.  It’s a feeling of someone being there, being together, being on the same team. He takes a breath as they reach the shiny glass doors.   David looks up; it’s imposing and forbidding, not the welcoming place he’d hoped for. Beside him, Matteo is performing some complicated mix of shaking out his arms as if preparing for sport and muttering to himself under his breath.  It sounds a lot like  _ I hate lying ...  always wrong … gotta do it, _ and David’s heart aches for him.

He turns to smile at Matteo encouragingly, leaning back so he can see him, and pushes against the door to let them into the cool, dim interior.  It’s chrome and dark wood, polished so brightly that David can see his own reflection in far too many surfaces for comfort. He looks small and fragile in the towering surroundings and Matteo beside him looks hardly any better, his eyes wide and shoulders slumped.  David huffs out a laugh. It’s no wonder Matteo felt so unsteady here yesterday; it’s designed to put interlopers on the back foot.

Matteo glances sideways at him, then squares his shoulders and approaches the main desk.  There’s a bored looking woman watching them idly and David relaxes infinitesimally. To her, this is routine and he needs to remember that.  This is normal, and so many people do this every day that she’s not going to leap at them as fakes and imposters.

“Um … I was here yesterday?” Matteo says quietly, but his voice still echoes in the large chamber of the reception area.  “The … the woman said to come back with my soulmate. I … I don’t remember her name.”

“Your name?” the bored women says, and pulls up a file on her computer when Matteo tells her.

“Okay, that’s all in order.  Sit over there,” she directs, pointing to an equally shiny leatheresque couch perched between two doors on the far wall.

They sit, Matteo’s foot tapping nervously as they wait.  David can feel his own heart rate picking up in time with Matteo’s stressed rhythm, and he puts his hand over Matteo’s knee to try to still the movement.  Matteo gives him an apologetic smile and lets his own hand settle on top of David’s. 

The door to their right opens and a slight man with brown hair and a severe cast to his lips steps out.  “Matteo Florenzi?” he asks and Matteo jumps, darting his eyes to look up at the man, his face paling as he takes in the forbidding look.

“Yeah?”

“You need to come with me now,” the man says.  “There are a few questions we need to ask before the paperwork can be printed for you.”

David frowns.  “Why just him?” he asks, standing up so he can support Matteo who looks positively ill now.  “They said I had to be here too.”

The look the man gives him is disdainful.  “Someone will be along for you soon. We need to verify your claims separately before we speak to you together.”

Matteo looks back over his shoulder and gives a half hearted smile which David returns.  He nods and their eyes meet. Thankfully they discussed what their story would be so this should be okay.  It doesn’t help the pained thump his heart gives as he watches Matteo follow the man into the room. He bites his lip and paces.  Worries. It seems like hours that he spends walking short lines across the floor in front of the couch.

“David is it?” someone says as he turns at the end of one of his lines, and he starts.  The woman is smiling at him, much less intimidating than the man Matteo had ended up with.  David hopes she’s the one who’ll do the joint interview. He follows her into the tiny room and sits in the chair he’s directed to.

“So,” she says, smiling.  “You’re soulmates? You and Mr. Florenzi?”

Thinking of Matteo, David smiles, can tell it’s the fondest sappiest one he’s ever given but doesn’t attempt to control it.  They need this to be believable, after all “Yeah,” he agrees. 

“But you didn’t come to us when you worked it out?  You’re both well over eighteen. So why only now that Mr Florenzi needs somewhere to live?”

David hadn’t expected this to be quite this blunt this soon and he feels the blood rushing into his cheeks as he tries to keep his face calm and his expression smooth.

“We … we only just noticed recently,” he says.  “So it hasn’t been very long, really.”

She frowns at him, notes something down.  “That’s unusual.”

“Look,” he says, leaning forward to impress on her how important this is.  “I don’t know about him, but I’ve been … I never let myself think like that or be too near him because …”  He stops, unwilling to tell this unknown woman everything but also knowing that they have to sell the story.  So he sighs, looks down, watches his hands twist in his lap. “Because I liked him for so long and I thought he didn’t like me.  I didn’t want to destroy myself, so I stayed apart.”

“Mmmm,” she says, but her tone has softened and she’s smiling again.  “And you worked it out how, then?”

“Actually, when things started getting shit at home for him I started being less careful.”  David’s mouth purses as he realizes this is all the genuine truth as far as it goes. “Then I started noticing I feel more calm when we touch.  It’s … peaceful.” He uses the word again, can feel the faraway look as he thinks of Matteo and how it feels to be with him.

The woman smiles, and writes something on her paper.  “Okay, so a sensory bond,” she says. “Those are rare, but it makes sense why you wouldn’t have realized before now.”

She seems less antagonistic than her first few questions had implied and David can feel some of his anxiety dissipating.  The door behind them opens and Matteo is ushered in. David’s body immediately loses tension; he’s smiling, relaxed. It must have gone okay for him then.  Their eyes meet and Matteo’s face softens, lightens. He grins. He reaches over and drags his fingers through David’s hair, earning him an outraged shove.

“Ass,” David says, forgetting that the woman is still sitting there.  “Don’t mess with the hair.”

“Don’t have such perfect hair, then.”

David rolls his eyes as Matteo slips onto the chair next to his, and their knees touch.  His hand slides onto David’s leg and squeezes. David pokes him in the side making him give an affronted gasp before his hand finds Matteo’s and they clasp together.  David turns back to the woman, who’s watching them carefully.

“Definitely a sensory bond,” she says, noting something down again.  “And quite strong. This isn’t new.”

Matteo squints at her.  “It is new. I had no idea until … I don’t know?  A few days ago?”

Nodding, David agrees.  “We thought it would never happen since we’re both so much past eighteen.

The woman writes something else down, punches some keys on her computer, then lays down her pen and pushes away from the desk.  “This definitely started before you were eighteen.” She moves around the desk and grabs some papers that have started spewing from the printer sitting in one corner.  “Here.” She passes the papers to Matteo. “Do the housing ones first; those are the most important for you. Get those back as soon as possible. Then work through the others.”  She smiles, her eyes happy as she leans back against the desk. “And congratulations. This is one of the best bonds I’ve seen.”

“Thanks, I guess,” David says as he looks at Matteo, who shrugs.  This was far easier than he expected, and he’s still wondering when it’s going to get difficult.  The few terrifying moments when he’d first entered the room and this woman had interrogated him seem long gone, and the ease with which it all happened once Matteo got here is mildly alarming.  He’s waiting for the boot to go in, for the problems to start. That’s what he’s always been used to. Fighting, using his wits, sliding out of situations with his charm and humor, managing to elude any problems.  Not this, not running into no problems at all. The woman smiles at them as if she understands the confusion.

“I’ll let you in on a secret.”  She winks. “We only keep you apart and ask awkward questions to make you anxious so we can see what happens when you get back in the same room.  It helps identify the types of bonds each pairing has. You two … it’s immediately obvious.” She indicates between them with one hand. “I didn’t need long to confirm.”

David glances back at Matteo, who looks just as shell shocked as he feels.  “Okay,” Matteo says, recovering his composure faster than David for once. “We’ll go fill these in and get them back to you.”

She nods, sits back down, her bowed head and the scratch of her pen a clear dismissal.  They escape, breathless, barely stopping to sign out at the main desk before they burst outside together.  He should be happy, David knows, but the fact that it was so easy and their bond is so readily accepted makes him feel slightly uneasy.  He’s not sure why she was so insistent that their bond is strong and long established, but the thought makes him wary. He’s never been good at connection, at staying put, so her casual assumption that they really do have a real bond makes a shiver of anxiety flutter in his belly.  Beside him, Matteo lets his breath out and laughs, throwing his arms wide.

“We did it!” he says, and the joy in his voice draws a happy smile from David; he can’t stay closed in and anxious when Matteo looks at him like that.  Fake relationship or not, David is helpless in the face of Matteo’s happiness. That will always be real.

“Yeah we did,” he says.  “Now we’ve just got to do this damn paperwork.”

“Fuck paperwork,” Matteo says, but his grin is infectious and he doesn’t look upset at all.  David grins back. He’ll do a hell of a lot more than paperwork to see that smile more often.


	3. Matteo

Matteo’s whole body feels light and his heart is flying when they step out of the offices with their newly acquired paperwork.  It’s only been a day since he’d been told he would be on the streets, as dramatic as that makes it sound, but it doesn’t take a whole lot of time for that sort of situation to eat away at you.  At least, it doesn’t take long for Matteo. So it feels like years since Matteo felt this free and this light. In truth, it probably  _ has _ been close to years; Matteo can’t remember the last time he felt this happy.

He grins, flings his arms wide.  They fucking did it; they managed to fool the official soulmate people.  They’re being treated like every other newly bonded couple, and there’s something so revitalizing in that thought.  Something that says Matteo’s going to be okay. His absent father, his ill mother … they’re big things still, of course, but they don’t seem like the insurmountable obstacles they had even just a few hours ago.  Probably because, unlike a few hours ago, Matteo now feels like he has access to a real life. He knows there are things he still has to do. The paperwork, for one. Visiting his mother, making sure she’s doing okay, for another.  But he feels like his life has purpose and meaning again; it’s no longer lost in the haze of confusion around where he would live and how he would support himself.

He glances to his side, wants to see how David is taking all this.  He seems withdrawn and pensive; his eyes are lowered and the corners of his lips are drooping a little.  It’s barely noticeable, and others would probably just think he was deep in thought, but Matteo can tell he’s not happy.  Seeing that does send a shiver of fear into his heart, and Matteo resolves to consider all the implications of that later, but it’s soon swamped in the far bigger delight of freedom.  Of adulthood. It may be fake, David may regret this thing soon (may be regretting it now for all Matteo knows), but for now Matteo has everything he’s wanted. It’s a cooled, watered down version maybe, but he’ll take it since he’s never likely to experience the real thing.  And because it’s David, and Matteo will do a lot to spend time with him even if it sets an unpleasant ache into his chest at times.

They walk, Matteo’s fingers clutched tight around the papers they’ve been given as if they might disappear if he loosens his grip.  They represent all of his hopes and all of his future. David glances at him, Matteo can see the look out of the corner of his eyes.  He flushes as he catches the smirk that settles on David’s lips.

“I think you’re going to ruin those if you keep that up,” David says, nodding at the papers.  

“They’re important,” Matteo retorts.  “This wind might blow them away.”

He’s stupidly enamoured with the way David looks at him for that comment, a glance that’s filled with fondness and amusement.  A glance that says he knows Matteo isn’t telling the entire truth but that David won’t call him on it. Not right now, anyway. It thrills through Matteo and leaves him weak at the knees.  To cover for the unaccustomed feelings flooding him, he clears his throat.

“I guess we need to find somewhere to live,” he says, watching David carefully again from the corner of his eyes.  Matteo’s not willing to be entirely obvious about his attention, not here. He’s not used to having the freedom to show his feelings, having always needed to be so careful and deliberate in how he deals with David.  So he’s still wary even though he knows they have to keep up a facade. If there’s no-one to see the act, he’s unwilling to blur the lines between fake and real. If he does, the reality when it crashes in could ruin him.  

David’s lips tighten briefly before he glances sideways at Matteo and his usual sunny smile flashes back.  “Don’t the official people deal with that?”

Matteo snorts, attention dragged away from the unsettling ways David is acting as he realizes he really has no idea how this all works.  “I don’t know,” he admits. “After I turned eighteen I never expected it to happen so I stopped looking into it.”  _ Shit, _ he realizes,  _ I’m talking like it’s really happening. _  To cover for his mishap, he shrugs and adds,  “I guess we ask when we take back the papers.”

“Guess so,” David says.  He pokes Matteo in the side, chuckling when he has to dance away from the fingers.   “Or we could ask someone we know. Didn’t they all recently get soulmates?”

“You’ve paid a lot of attention for someone who thinks the whole idea is bullshit.”

Matteo squints sideways at David as he speaks, catches a rosy blush flooding into his cheeks.  

“I don’t think it’s completely bullshit, I told you that before.”

“Mmmhmmm.  That’s what all the ‘soulmates are shitty’ stuff was about?”

It’s strange.  Matteo’s not used to teasing people; that’s always been taboo, dangerous.  If you tease someone you’re assuming they’ll take it, that they like you enough to stick around.   The only times he usually does it are when he has to cover for something, like when Jonas gets too close to some uncomfortable truth.  But with David, Matteo can’t help it. Teasing and joking feels natural, like an intrinsic part of being Matteo-and-David. It always gives him a slight thrill when David gives him that  _ look. _  The one that screams his fondness for the banter even while it’s trying for irritation.  Matteo had slid his fingers into his hair on impulse in the office earlier and reveled in the resulting verbal scuffle.  It was heady and exciting to say something like ‘don’t have perfect hair, then’ and have the response be just a fondly irritated smile and a clasp of the hand.  Matteo can’t picture doing that with anyone else, but with David it’s an easy pattern to fall into. David’s response now is just to smile and push Matteo’s arm, the touch newly invigorating.

“We do need to think about how this will work,” David says a few seconds later, and Matteo grins at him.

“Not sure what you mean.”

“We have to live together, pretend to be bonded for a while at least.  But … we can’t really do it forever. What if one of us meets someone?”

Pain clutches at Matteo, twists its fingers into his chest, and his grin fades.  Right. David’s not into this the same way Matteo is, and he needs to stop forgetting that.  It’s just so easy when they fall into the act of being soulmates. It  _ feels _ real, and that’s been screwing with Matteo’s mind.  Waking up with David, holding him in the kitchen, snuggling with him … it’s all been so damn easy, so natural that it’s been difficult to keep the reality in mind.  But he has to. This is fake, it can’t last, and Matteo needs to face up to that.

“I guess … we do what my father did.”  Matteo’s face contorts at the idea. He can feel the ugly grimace trying to appear, and forces it into smoothness, drags his usual mask onto his face as he pretends to be unaffected by his father’s actions.  He shrugs, aiming for nonchalant casualness. Aiming to convince David that he doesn’t care, that his heart didn’t also just get sliced wide open by his words. “One of us leaves and the other pretends to be heartbroken for a while.”  He gives a small smile. “It worked for him, so I don’t see why it wouldn’t for us.”

David’s face is filled with concern, his brown eyes looking darker than usual as they gaze right into Matteo’s soul.  It does things to Matteo’s composure. He’s not one to cry easily, but he can feel the damn tears welling. He shakes his head, mutters under his breath that it’s fine. Hopes David will let it go.  But he doesn’t. Instead he stops, takes Matteo’s hand and drags him to a halt too. His touch is overwhelming and not in his usual calming way. It sends fire racing through Matteo’s body and he can’t help but react to the look that David’s giving him.  

“I’m sorry,” David says.  “Your dad is shitty, and you deserve better.”

That’s all it takes.  Matteo feels the tears coming with horror.  It’s not right for someone else to see this; he’s always been stoic, tough.  The one who keeps himself aloof from stupid things like emotions, at least where people can see him.  It’s David’s fault, Matteo thinks viciously as he tries to prevent the damn tears from actually falling.  Feelings come easier and faster whenever David is around. As if he gets it, David pulls Matteo to him, then wraps his arms around his back.  Matteo sighs, wraps his arms around David’s waist. He forces the tears back and blinks hard to keep them away as he buries his face in David’s neck to avoid having him see all the embarrassing emotions.  

David just holds him, his hands calm points on Matteo’s back, a soothing rhythm moving up and down.  Matteo shudders, drags his breath in and pulls back. David’s hands still, but he doesn’t release Matteo, instead looking at him with concern.  Matteo shakes his head; he knows David wants to talk about it more but he’s past this bullshit. This is a happy day, and he’s not going to let his father, and all the shitty baggage that comes with him, ruin it.  He sucks his breath in, swallows a few times, making sure the tears are gone before he looks up again.

“I … guess we just deal with that when we come to it.”  Matteo grins, trying to make light of the situation. He can tell David’s not convinced by the show, but he has enough tact to let it go.  Relieved, Matteo shoves him with his shoulder. “First, we have to get a home before we can stage an epic break up to lose it again.”

“It  _ will _ be epic,” David says, twining their fingers together as they start walking.  “Never do things by halves if you can go big. If we’re going to break up, we’re going to do it in style.”

The feeling of David’s fingers in his soothes some of the strain Matteo’s been holding in his body; he can feel the stress leaching out the longer they walk together.

“We are the most stylish,” he says.  “Anything other than a stylish break up would be a travesty.”

By the time they’re back at David’s home, Matteo feels calm again.  Whatever happens, wherever this goes, they can deal with it. They’re in this together and that’s a lot.  Since he can remember, Matteo has never really felt like someone with a team. It’s always been all the pairs. Jonas and Hanna, Carlos and Abdi, Mia and Alex, Hans and Linn.  Matteo has always been a sidekick, an afterthought. Even with David, it’s never felt like this. There’s always been a sense that they were thrown together by chance, the two misfits slotting together.  Not that David’s a misfit, exactly. He’s so attractive Matteo sometimes finds it hard to look at him, sure his feelings must be written all over his face in shining neon pink. But David came to the group later, so while he was welcomed by everyone, he wasn’t anyone’s core friend.  Not in the same way. And so they gravitated together, Matteo and David. The outsiders, the ones without soulmates. 

But now, fake soulmates or not, they have a genuine connection as contradictory as that may seem.  It’s a bond of sorts. It may not be a true soulmate connection like Matteo has always dreamed of, but it’s an insider joke, something shared.  Something only they know. It feels nice to have that someone.

 

He’s lying on David’s bed a few hours later when his phone buzzes.  Groaning, Matteo considers ignoring it, but it buzzes again a couple more times and Matteo makes himself look.  It’s never going to stop otherwise. It’s Jonas.

_ Bro.  Wait. Does this mean you found your soulmate? _

Sniggering, Matteo glances across the room to where David is perched at his desk, sketching something.   _ Wow, took you long enough.  That was hours ago _ .

_ YOU REALLY DID?????   _

_ Chill, Jonas.  It’s not a big deal. _

Instead of buzzing with another message, Matteo’s phone lights up with a call.  He stares at it, sucking in a breath, cold panic freezing his body in place. Shit.  It’s actually his turn now. He’s got to carry the act off with his friend, his best friend.  

“You going to answer that?” David asks casually, his hand never stopping it’s rhythm as it traces its way across the paper in front of him.

“Don’t want to,” Matteo mumbles.

“Why not?”  This time David lies the pencil down and turns so he can look over at Matteo.

“I kind of just told Jonas I met my soulmate and he’s going to be so … well, you know.”

The phone stops its insistent buzzing and Matteo draws in a relieved breath.  Maybe he avoided having to deal with that for now. David gives him  _ that look _ again, then smirks.  “You know it’s not going to work, ignoring it forever.”

“I can ignore it for now,” Matteo says, huffing out a tense breath.  

The phone starts buzzing again and he sighs.  Jonas, for all his wonderful qualities, is so aggressively supportive that he really isn’t going to let this one slide.  Matteo reluctantly answers.

“Seriously?  You found a soulmate?” Jonas’s voice is elated, and Matteo can’t help but smile.  He looks over at David, whose gaze is so soft and pensive as it rests on Matteo that he can feel his body heat up.  He wishes he could regulate his reaction to David. This is much harder than he’d expected, this pretence. It’s been so easy to slot together with this boy, so easy to snuggle up to his body, to surrender to the act as if it’s the truth.  What’s hard is knowing that David is already looking at the other end, trying to navigate his way through the future ending of this nebulous thing. 

“Yeah,” Matteo says softly.  “I found a soulmate.”

“That’s … wow.”  Jonas pauses, and Matteo can almost hear the way his mind is turning over how to approach the topic delicately.  Matteo knows he’s working out how to ask how he found out  _ now _ when he’s so far past eighteen.  He laughs, suddenly feeling at ease.  It’s almost fun messing with Jonas like this.

“It’s fine,” he says.  “We … uh. The woman at the office said it happened a while ago but we just never noticed.”

There’s a silence for several seconds.  Then... 

“Holy shit.  It’s David, isn’t it?” Jonas says, sounding like he’s about to pass out.  

“Yeah,” Matteo says, his eyes drifting back towards David’s back, admiring the way he looks as he bends over his work, the sun lighting up his hair and leaving chocolate highlights in the darker brown, the muscles in his shoulder flexing as they move the pencil across the paper.  Matteo’s heart races as he drinks in the sight.

Jonas recovers his composure, and laughs at the long silence.  “He’s there with you, isn’t he?”

“Ummmm …” Matteo tries, desperately hoping he can make it seem like he’s chill.  It doesn’t work. 

“I can tell you’re a bit distracted,” Jonas says, still laughing.  “So I’ll let you go hang with your soulmate.” Jonas’s breath is loud across the line, the shock still evident in the staccato rhythm and the small bubbles of laughter that he lets out, and Matteo smiles as he makes a parting comment.  “Soulmate. Matteo Florenzi has a soulmate.”

“Okay, you dick, don’t make it a big thing.  I’m going. But we’ll talk soon, yeah.”

He flings himself back onto the bed once they’ve hung up, throws the phone to the side and pulls the pillow up and over his eyes.  He breathes his relief out in shaky gasps into the pillow. When he drops it again, he’s startled to see David close by, his face lit up in a smug grin.

“You told him it’s me,” he says.  It’s not a question but Matteo nods anyway.

“He was a bit shocked.”

“I bet,” David says lying down next to Matteo and turning to look at him with his hand tucked in under his chin.  “We clearly blow all the others out of the water with our awesomeness.”

“Well, I do anyway,” Matteo says.  He rolls out of the path of David’s fortunately ill-timed poke, but he sighs when the reality crashes in.  Jonas knows now. And that’s great, but he’s the one who’s always had to listen to Matteo’s fears and worries that he’s never going to find a soulmate.  He’s observant when it comes to Matteo, knows that this is very convenient in a lot of ways.

“How’d he take it?” David asks.  It’s creepily like he can read Matteo’s thoughts, and he grimaces.  Having two people who can read him this well is unfortunate; he’s never been able to hide much from either of them.

Matteo closes his eyes, pictures Jonas as he must have looked when he read those messages.  “He’s super excited.” He turns his head so he can see David. “He didn’t ask too many questions yet.  But he will, and we need a better story before then.”

David’s mouth purses and he too sighs.  “This is much more complicated than I expected.”

“It was your idea!”

“I know.”  He grins, his face lightening as he does, and really fucking with Matteo’s insides; he can’t help the way he turns to mush when David’s glorious smile lights his face up.  “I was all caught up in the moment, didn’t really think the thing through properly.”

“I’m just that irresistible.”

David laughs, but his eyes flicker closed briefly before he opens them again, his face serious.  “Did you think about what she said? The interviewer?”

Matteo blinks.  This seems like a huge non sequitur and he’s confused.  “About what?”

“That it’s a real bond.  That … well, that we had it for a long time.”  There’s something intense in those eyes again, something that tells Matteo that David is doing that thing again.  The one where he tries to drill something into Matteo’s head but he’s just too stupid to pick it up.

“What?  That we were so good and so convincing that we fooled her that well?”

David drops his eyes away, worries his lip between his teeth before nodding.  “Yeah. Yeah, that’s it. We fooled them really well.”

His face is shuttered and pensive and Matteo gets the feeling again that he’s traveled somewhere Matteo can’t follow.  But the feeling is gone as quickly as it appears. David’s smile is back, the teasing tilt of his lips and glint in his eyes not boding well.  Matteo squints at him suspiciously.

“What?”

“Nothing,” David says, reaching his fingers out so they hover above Matteo’s lips.  “Just thinking if we’re going to appear in public soon, we should probably practice more.”

The look in his eyes sends waves of heat through Matteo’s body, and he shivers at the thought.  “I thought we’d already practiced a lot,” he says, wincing at the breathless quality of his voice as his eyes track the fingertips as they get closer to his lips.

“No harm in practicing more, is there?” David says, and the smile that’s been hovering grows.  “We have to sell it with our friends, after all. You know them better than I do. How are they going to expect us to act?”

“God,” Matteo says and his body freezes again at the mere thought.  “They’ll be insufferable. They’ll want proof.”

“We’re the best at proof though,” David says, his finger finally running a slow line across Matteo’s lips before he moves so he can draw Matteo into him.  It feels nice to be enclosed like this, warm arms wrapped around him and lips skimming his hairline, and Matteo sighs almost involuntarily as his body melts into David’s.  “Like with the woman at the interview.”

“Yeah.”  Matteo nods, feels the rumble of David’s laugh as his hair tickles his chin.  “We really are the best.”

It’s peaceful in the best possible way.  Lying here with David, Matteo feels like his worries diminish.  Not that they don’t exist anymore, but rather that they settle into some sort of perspective.  They’re no longer as overwhelming as they seem when he’s alone with his own thoughts.

“This is good,” he says.  

“Mmmm, what?” David asks, his voice sleepy and his words a deep, calming rumble through Matteo’s chest.

“All of this.  It feels nice to not be alone.”

David shuffles and Matteo feels his hands brushing his hair away from his face.  He smiles, a soft, secret one that not even David is allowed to see. That feels so nice, his gentle fingers playing in his hair.  Almost like he wants this too.

“Is being alone so bad?” David asks.

“Don’t you think so?”

“No.  It’s easier to rely just on yourself, don’t you think?  You get to use your free will, you get to decide what to do and when to do it.”

Things are starting to become a bit more clear for Matteo now.  David doesn’t like the idea of soulmates for this one reason. In fact, he’d said as much at the party for Jonas and Hanna.   _ There’s no choice. _  Matteo hums, his mind whirling.  

“You can still have free will and not be alone?”

He feels rather than sees David’s head shaking.  “You have to think of other people, they have to think of you.  It’s … there’s too much risk. Not enough control over what happens.”  His eyes close briefly as if in remembrance. “It hurts when it goes wrong.”

“I don’t know,” Matteo says.  “It’s nice to share things. Have someone else to bounce ideas off.”

He twists so he’s lying in a way that he can see David’s face.  It’s serious and thoughtful. Matteo runs his fingers up the side of his ribs as lightly as he can.  It’s enough; David shifts, smiles. His fingers come up and tangle with Matteo’s. It’s an easy, natural movement and Matteo’s heart stutters even as his head tries to tell him not to read so much into it.  They don’t speak again for a while, but it’s nice. Matteo’s heartbeat patterns itself on David’s and he relaxes even more. 

His phone starts buzzing insistently again, breaking the soft peace of the moment and Matteo groans.

“Fuck.”

David leans over and looks at the phone, the movement pushing his body more firmly into Matteo’s, and making his breath catch in his throat at the easy intimacy of the situation.

“Jonas again.”

Grumbling, Matteo takes the phone David is holding out to him and answers it.

“Hey, we’re all meeting at the park for some beers and games.  You should come.”

It’s not a command, exactly, but Matteo still hears the clear implication behind the words.  The boys have obviously been chatting since they stopped talking earlier, and now they want to see this new bond for themselves.  He scrubs his hand over his face in frustration, but he knows if they don’t do it now, they’ll just have to do it some other time after even more build up.

He looks at David, who is already sitting up and looking around for socks.  He turns as if he senses Matteo’s gaze, and nods.

“Ugh, fine,” Matteo says as he, too, reluctantly sits up.  He didn’t want to lose their comfortable little bubble just yet.  “But we’re not staying long. We still have all that shitty paperwork to do.”

On the other end of the line, Jonas laughs.  “Serves you right for being so unsympathetic when I had to do it.”

“Asshole,” Matteo says in response, but he’s laughing too as they say goodbye.  He shuffles over to where David is still perched on the edge of the bed and wraps his arms around him from behind, burying his face in the warm juncture between his shoulders and his neck.  Matteo smiles into those shoulder blades as David’s hands automatically rise to take his own.

“Guess we’re doing this,” David says, squeezing Matteo’s hand.  He’s leaning back the same way he did in the kitchen even though there’s no-one to see them and Matteo can’t help but let himself enjoy it for a few seconds longer than he really should.  

“Guess we are,” he agrees, the words a little muffled in David’s back.  “Let’s hope this practice has all paid off.”

David doesn’t answer, just gives another of his reassuring hand squeezes before standing and offering his hand to Matteo to help him off the bed.

As they leave, Matteo shakes his hands out and shuffles his feet as if readying to go into battle.  This feels like the biggest test. Logically, having fooled the interviewer should have been the largest obstacle, but Matteo feels like there’s almost more at stake here as they go to face the boys.  They’re the ones, after all, who’ll be seeing them day in and day out for however long they decide to keep it up. He grimaces. They really didn’t think this thing through carefully.

 

It’s so awkward, sitting here with all the boys staring at them in what looks suspiciously like avid fascination.  Matteo shifts on the bench they’ve flopped down onto, then glances sideways at David. He’s got his arm along the back of the bench behind Matteo, inches away from his body, and the warmth is seeping into his shoulder.  It’s distracting. There’s a tiny smile hovering around David’s lips, as if he’s got some secret only he knows.

“I don’t know,” Abdi says, examining them carefully.  “They don’t look any different than they did before.” He shrugs, eyes them again.  “Apart from the touching part, I guess.”

Matteo flushes, feels the hot rush of embarrassment through his body, as Jonas rolls his eyes and pushes Abdi.  “You don’t change when you find your soulmate, you dick,” he says.  _ “You _ sure didn’t.”

“No, but there are vibes,” Carlos says.  “They are a bit more relaxed.”

“We’re not different,” Matteo says impatiently, trying to convince these assholes that this isn’t all a fake out, “because apparently it’s been a thing for a while.”  He looks at David again, catches him staring with a besotted look and flushes. He’s so good at this pretence that Matteo almost can’t tell it’s not genuine. He drags his eyes away.  “The lady who interviewed us said it happened before our birthdays.”

Abdi nods slowly.  “That could be it,” he agrees before taking a sip of his beer, but there’s still a hint of caution in his voice that makes Matteo wince.

Matteo laughs, tries to act like this is all normal and natural but inside he’s shaking.  He can feel his heart rate picking up as the anxiety looms, and his hands tremble as he surreptitiously wipes them on his thighs to get rid of the sudden sweat.  If his friends can tell there’s something off about what they’re doing, there’s no way they’re going to be able to pull this off into the long term. It’s far too easy to see the life he’s newly acquired collapsing around him.  

David drops his hand to Matteo’s shoulder, fingers settling carefully just at the juncture where it meets his neck.  He leans over, so his lips are close to Matteo’s ear. “You okay?” he whispers, running those fingers in soothing circles which have the immediate effect of making Matteo calm, his stuttering heart rate evening out into something resembling normalcy.

“It’s fine,” Matteo whispers back, leaning in more closely too.  Anything for the excuse to be this close. “I’m just stressed about the paperwork, I guess.”

“Mmmmm.”  David lets his hand settle more firmly around Matteo and he can feel himself melting into David’s side.  “Let me know if you want to go and get started on it.”

Matteo shakes his head.  “Nah. I want to hang with the guys a bit.”

To emphasise the idea, he takes a swig of his own beer and clinks it with the one Jonas is holding.  The day lengthens into afternoon and the guys stop looking at them every few minutes as if they’re exotic specimen who need to be catalogued.  It starts to seem like old times. Except that David doesn’t let him go. Their hands are always entangled, their arms pressed together, a hand on a neck, a chin tucked onto a shoulder, warm breath whispering past his cheek.  

Through it all, Matteo hopelessly gives into the way it makes him feel.  It’s all for authenticity, he reminds himself. So he responds. He leans into the embraces, runs his own hands through David’s hair, teases him mercilessly when he objects.  He trails his fingers over David’s leg, takes his hand in Matteo’s whenever it drifts close. Watches him out of the corner of his eye as he speaks, his face lit up and his voice musical and vibrant.  Feels himself falling deeper and deeper into the desperate wish that this actually means something. Finds himself tracing the gorgeous planes of his face whenever he can.

Fear clutches him again as he thinks about what happens when this has to end.  When David ‘meets someone’ and moves on and Matteo is stuck with the memory of what could have been.  Except there’s no could have been; there’s just what is. Which is a wonderful friend helping him out of a pickle because he’s kind and generous.  And that’s all it is, Matteo tells himself firmly when David looks at him with one of his newly affectionate looks. It’s important to keep that in mind so he can get out the other end of this with his heart and dignity intact.

 

“This is so shit,” Matteo complains a few hours later when they’re back at David’s place trying to work on the piles of papers they have to fill in.  He thrusts his current sheet of paper away from himself. “Why’s it so complicated?”

“Dunno,” David says, his eyes focused on what he’s writing and only briefly looking up to where Matteo is sitting with his arms folded and his legs drawn up underneath him.  “But we have to do it, yeah.”

“What’s this one even  _ for?” _

David puts his pen down and reaches over to pick it up.  “That’s your ‘congratulations you’re an adult’ card for all the things you need to prove an age for.”

“I know  _ that,” _ Matteo whines, shoving the paper away as David tries to give it back to him.  “But I don’t get why you need it. Or why only people with soulmates get them.”

“This is why this whole thing is so dumb,” David says, an edge to his voice as he turns back to his own papers.  “We only get this because they think we’re soulmates. Why is that the criteria?”

Matteo’s silent for a while, staring at the paper intently.  “What if they work it out?” he whispers, finally articulating the fears that have started to swirl, the ones that freeze his heart and make his breaths come in short harsh gasps whenever he lets himself think of them.  He can feel his body responding to the stress already, tension sitting in his fingers and a weight pressing against his chest. “What if they figure out that we’re not soulmates?”

“I don’t think they will,” David says, with the edge back in his voice but a softness there too.

“But what if they do?”

Shrugging, David moves to sit next to him.  He leans his head against Matteo’s and lets his hand fall to its accustomed place on his knee.  Matteo’s breath calms a little at the proximity. “If they do, then we’ll deal with it.”

“Together,” Matteo says, his own hand rubbing soft circles on David’s fingers.

David doesn’t speak for several long seconds, before he nods.  “Mmmm. Together.” There’s something odd in his tone, but Matteo chooses to ignore it.  There’s someone else here, someone else who can shoulder some of the burden if things go wrong.  He has to remember that. He’s not alone.

“Let’s get these assholes done so we can take them back and get a damn house.”

David’s breath huffs out, a warm tickle over Matteo’s face making him shiver as he laughs.  “Let’s destroy this thing!”

“Fuck paperwork,” Matteo says, but he pulls it back towards himself and starts trying to work his way back through the incomprehensible language.  They work together in silence, shared interest in the outcome lending a sense of satisfaction to the grueling work. If Matteo spends a little more time staring at David’s face and admiring the lines of his jaw and the bloom on his cheek … well, that’s just an added perk.  He’s allowed to do that now. For practice.


	4. David

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Despite being sick this week, I actually managed to get this chapter finished! That does mean, however, that it has been only briefly beta read so there are probably mistakes. Anything egregious, please let me know about and I'll fix it! Other than that ... enjoy :D

“I don’t know,” David says, squinting at the space in front of them.  It’s nice enough, he thinks. No different to any of the others they’ve seen.  The main room is maybe a little more square, the paint peeling just a little less and the kitchen a little narrower, but it’s not significantly better or worse.  “It’s really small.”

He’s getting a little tense and picky, he knows, but the enormity of what they’re doing is starting to hit home. Forcefully.  Like ‘we’re going to have to live together and sleep in the same bed for a long time’ forcefully. Not that the idea of sleeping in a bed with Matteo is _bad._   It’s just, given the situation and David’s long standing hopeless crush, along with some suspicions that are starting to form, it’s probably going to be some sort of torture.  Horrible, wonderful torture. And in a small place like this there won’t be anywhere to get away, so David will have to live with that torture pretty much constantly.

“David,” Matteo says, moving to stand in front of him.  His eyes flicker to the real estate man hovering a few feet away and clearly trying valiantly not to eavesdrop but also clearly inevitably going to fail given how small the room is.  So it’s no wonder that Matteo plays up the bond right now, wrapping his arms around David and staring into his eyes in the way he has that makes David lose all coherent thought. He’s a little hesitant when they’re alone still, his touches more careful and less frequent.  But when they have company, Matteo can really turn it on. He smiles, cheeky but determined. “David, my angel, my delight, light of my life, soulmatiest of soulmates-”

David rolls his eyes, trying to pretend he’s not absurdly affected by the endearments, as sarcastic as they are.  “What’s with all this cheesy shit?”

“You don’t like my amazing pet names?”

Matteo pretends shock, pulling one hand off David’s back so he can press it to his heart, his mouth dropping open and his eyes widening.  It’s more endearing than it has any right to be.  

“Not when you’re using them to get something.”

David forces his face into a scowl but he can feel the fondness creeping into his gaze and he can see the delight Matteo takes in making him react that way.  David looks at him pointedly and he grins, unrepentant.  

“I need a place to live, and you’re finding reasons against everything we’ve seen.  I thought a bit of buttering up might help.”

In a final act of desperation, David tries one more idea.  “We can stay with Laura; it’s nice there, right?”

It’s Matteo’s turn to roll his eyes.  “Much as I love your sister, you know we can’t stay there much longer.”

Sadly, David does actually know that.  Laura’s soulmate is coming back from a business trip soon, and with four of them in the place it would definitely be too crowded.  He doesn’t want to admit to himself that they really are going to have to get something tiny like this for themselves. Soulmates may get housing, but it’s not exactly luxury accommodation.  If they want something better, they’re going to have to pay a fair amount for the privilege, and well … they’re not exactly swimming in money.  

He sighs.  This is all for Matteo, after all.  This whole stupid idea was to help Matteo when he was vulnerable and anxious and coming out of a panic attack.  The fact that David is susceptible to his sad eyes and air of melancholy is annoying as hell and has landed him in this increasingly awkward place where they’re hovering somewhere between friends and whatever it is that David feels and Matteo doesn’t seem to.  

Unfortunately for David, the Matteo who is here and now, grinning, relaxed and happy is almost harder to resist.  It’s so nice to think that David had a hand in helping him to feel that way. He’s been so closed and sad for so long, practically since they met, that David almost hadn’t realized what he might be like when he let himself be more free.  He’s cheeky, snarky, alive and vibrant in a way that’s mesmerizing. Having that vibrancy turned on him is a heady thing and David doesn’t want to lose it. Even though he knows there must be an end date to this sometime. That is, there’s an end date unless David’s suspicions prove correct, in which case he has a whole other set of problems.

“Okay, I’ll be good.  I promise,” he says, just to see the happiness light up Matteo’s face again and chase the tense lines away from his jaw.  Matteo’s anxious, David realizes as he truly notes that tension as it drops away. Behind the cheer, he’s been worried that David will back out.  The way his face relaxes so instantly at David’s words, looking suddenly soft and free, makes David’s heart beat stupidly faster. It means his voice is a lot softer and a lot more honest, if anyone was looking for it, when he speaks again.  “If the next one isn’t the most amazing thing we’ve ever set eyes on we’ll pick one of the ones we already saw.”

The next one, it so happens, isn’t the most amazing thing they’ve ever seen.  But it’s really nice, comparatively. It’s small, much smaller than the place David shares with Laura, but there’s a wide window spanning one side of the main room with an inbuilt seat with a squishy red cushion padding its length.  A tall glass door leads to a tiny balcony, and the room is big enough that they’ll be able to fit in a couch as well as the bed and a table. The cool winter sun beams into the space, glowing off the mellow walls, making them shine. David can picture it with some of his plants, maybe some art.  It’s a space that could live with the right things in it. It feels good. It feels like home.

David glances at Matteo.  His eyes are lit up too as he stares around, drinking it all in.

“This is it,” he says, his eyes wandering while he clearly imagines shapes into the space as well.  “This one.”

David laughs, pushes him, dragging his attention off the room and back to David.  “So my pickiness paid off?” he says, earning him a growl from Matteo and a laugh from the man who’s been so patient as he showed them apartment after apartment.

“Shall we sort out the papers, then?” he asks with eagerness in his voice, clearly keen to get rid of these troublesome clients and get back to his nice office.

Matteo groans for real.  “More paperwork?” 

“These ones only take a few minutes,” the man says.  “Just for our records. And then you’ll be the happy new occupiers of this lovely apartment.”

 

Moving in is almost fun.  They get David’s bed from his room into the new place without too much pain, then add Matteo’s bedding because David is acutely aware that Matteo has lost far more than he himself in this situation.  His father is long gone, and now so is his mother and all the stability of his family home. It’s worth it to see the look in Matteo’s eyes as they come to rest on the freshly made bed.

His eyes widen, and he swallows, biting his lip in the way David has learned means he’s feeling something strongly.  He looks like he’s about to speak, but then behind them the boys crash into the room with a few boxes and dump them unceremoniously on the floor.  David winces as they hit, hoping that he managed to fill the gaps with enough padding that nothing important has broken.

“This place is awesome!” Carlos says as he sinks down onto the bed and looks around.  “How did you two manage to find it?”

“I dunno,” David says.  “Good luck, I guess. It wasn’t hard.”

Matteo glances over at David, their gazes locking, and his eyes are so filled with fond amusement that David can’t help grinning back.  The shared secret between them cements the connection they share and David can feel the traitorous affection welling up again. Matteo is so beautiful framed by the large window, with his hair in a wild disarray around his head and lit up by the morning sun.  That hair has always done things to David’s composure every time he runs his hands through it then drags it down to leave it covering his eyes. But today it’s even worse; the exertion of moving has given it some sort of life and while Matteo is still hiding behind the longest parts, the rest is like a halo standing out around his head and giving him an angelic look.

“Yeah,” Matteo says, still holding David’s gaze with that look, conspiratorial.  “It wasn’t hard.”

It takes a few more hours and several more trips, but eventually their stuff is stowed away in the space.  The plants from David’s room do indeed add some indefinable air to the walls they trail down, and there’s something about seeing his stuff mingled so easily with Matteo’s that makes David feel a weird sense of contentment.  He knows it’s not real, but standing here in the doorway surveying the space with Matteo’s arms around him and his lips hovering so near to David’s neck that if he closed his eyes he could almost imagine it as a soft kiss, David can’t help but think that it’s a really good fake.  It mimics reality so well that he can actually picture it into the future. But that’s just his long standing yearning messing with him, he reminds himself. That long standing yearning that isn’t going to get him anywhere and which he needs to ignore. He can’t let this sense of peace and security wriggle its way inside him, not given the probable inevitable ending to the situation.

They bought pizza and beers for everyone, and the chaos of the boxes and bottles just lying wherever the boys dropped them merely adds to the sense of it being their space, a lived space.  They’ve been here for less than a day and already it feels like home. That thought sends shivers through David. How can he be thinking this way? He’s always been one to hold himself aloof, trying not to form close bonds and lasting connections.  But then, it’s Matteo, and Matteo has always had a way of worming his way inside David’s defences. No-one else ever manages to see quite to the heart of him the way Matteo does. No-one else ever makes David feel things in quite the way Matteo does.  There’s no-one else who could make him _want_ to stay put.

Still.  The words of the interviewer hang over David’s head like a sword.  She was so sure they are real soulmates that David is starting to question it.  Maybe they are, maybe this whole faking business is just the universe finding a way to manipulate them into doing what it wants.  He’s been recognizing it himself: no-one but Matteo could make him offer such a stupid thing. No-one but Matteo could have such a hold on him that suggesting they fake the most intimate bond anyone can ever have could seem logical and reasonable.

Matteo stirs in his arms, clearly having been indulging in some reflection of his own.

“I’m so fucking tired,” he moans.  “I just want to sleep.”

David laughs but inside he panics a little.  Sleep. Shit. There’s nowhere to hide here, so David’s going to have to be open in a way he never lets himself be.  Among other things, he’s going to have to take his binder off, allow Matteo to understand what that’s like on a level David’s not used to.  Laura knows, of course, but she’s family. She has always known him so it’s easier with her. But Matteo only knows in an intellectual way. So far, while they have been sleeping in the same bed, they haven’t had to have any discussion around that.  David has managed by sneaking out after Matteo sleeps to remove it. He’s not going to be able to do that anymore; it’s not sustainable long term.

Then Matteo squeezes him more tightly, and somehow the anxiety inside him drops away.  It’s Matteo, and it’s going to be okay.

“I have to take my binder off,” David says, watching him closely to see how he’s going to react.

“Mmmm,” he agrees.  “Okay, that’s cool.”  He yawns, pulls his arms away and turns towards the bed.

David stares at him.  “That’s cool?”

“Yeah.”  Matteo shrugs as he gets his own sleepwear out and ready to put on.  “I read up on it a bit; you shouldn’t wear it too long.”

Laughing, feeling the release of tension even more now, David rolls his eyes.  “I know that.”

“So go take it off, then.”

There’s a cheeky grin on that face again and David can’t help but grin back.  It’s going to be okay, he repeats to himself. It’s going to take a lot of navigating and there are things David still doesn’t want to expose even to Matteo, but Matteo seems willing and accepting of whatever David needs, and that’s really all that matters.  At least for now.

They slide into bed together, and it hits David just how much this is, this living together thing.  This isn’t something temporary that they’re doing while Matteo needs somewhere to crash. This is their reality now.  It’s still and quiet around them, no sounds of people in other rooms, no soft music from Laura’s room when she can’t sleep.  Just Matteo and his breathing. Just Matteo sliding close to him, resting his head on David’s shoulder again, and sighing his contentment.

It’s quiet and it’s peaceful.  David breathes, his chest able to expand properly for once with Matteo in his arms.  It’s _nice,_ and that feels strange in so many ways but also so natural it may as well have been like this forever.  David’s heart seems to double in size at the thought. He could get used to this. In many ways he _is_ used to this already, and that thought is as scary as it is exhilarating.  What the fuck is David doing, letting someone in this close this quickly?

 

He wakes the next morning with Matteo’s back to him and his feet entwined with David’s own.  As if he can’t keep from touching David even in sleep, Matteo stirs and mumbles when David tries to move his feet to get up.  It makes him smile, seeing the messy chaos of Matteo’s hair where it’s tangled against itself as he moved in the night. He reaches out, tries to straighten it into something more respectable.  Matteo’s head tilts backwards into David’s touch and he hums, the sound contented and warm. Forgetting that he was going to get up and do something productive, like find food, David moves closer, snuggles into Matteo, lets himself feel the peace for once.  

When he wakes again it’s cold in the bed and he grumbles.  But then he registers the sounds from the small kitchen, and smells the coffee brewing.  He smiles, stretches, feeling the bones popping in his back as his body gets used to being awake again.  He slides out of bed and makes his way through to the kitchen, stilling in the doorway to watch Matteo at work.  He has headphones on, so he doesn’t notice David for a few seconds. The way he moves fills David with an unaccustomed happiness; he looks content.  His smile is small, just brushing the corners of his lips, but it’s there and his face is soft. The tension that so often holds it in hard planes is nowhere to be seen and he looks young and carefree.

He glances up and catches David’s eyes, drags the headphones off his ears.

“Morning,” he says, and there’s a shy pride in the word and in the smile that blooms larger on his face.  David gets it; no matter the circumstances, it feels good to have a space of their own. It feels adult, mature, as cliche as that is and as infuriating it is that it’s so tied into the whole soulmate thing.

“Morning yourself.” David responds, moving forward.   The space is so small there’s not really enough room for them both, but David doesn’t care.  He wants to be touching Matteo, so his hand drifts to his back, curling around onto his hip while Matteo pokes at something he’s cooking.  Even while he’s working and there’s a tiny frown creasing his brows, Matteo still leans into David’s touch. It’s easy and natural and feels like they’ve been doing this for years rather than just a mere day.  In some ways, David muses, it has been years. They may not usually touch, but they have always understood each other. They’ve always been more settled in each other’s company.

“I was thinking,” he says as he watches Matteo’s deft hands chopping, stirring, seasoning.

“You shouldn’t do that; it’ll fry your brain,” Matteo says, and David can see the smug grin he gives even as he tries to keep his face neutral.  David pinches his hip, eliciting a yelp, then turns to lean back against the counter as Matteo flicks his arm then finishes up with the food.

“Ass,” David says. “Do you want to hear my amazing thoughts or not?”

Matteo gives him that look again, his grin softening into a fond smile.  “Always.”

Trying not to react to the way he feels on hearing that word out of Matteo in that way, David nods.  “We should have a party.” At Matteo’s quirked brow questioning that thought he adds, “a housewarming.  You know, to prove the bond thing. Like Jonas did with Hanna.”

It takes a while before Matteo responds, and David can feel the uncertainty coming off him as he thinks it through.  His fingers never stop moving as he cooks, but his attention is clearly divided, the frown now more than getting ingredients right  “Yeah, I guess we should make sure we’re selling it,” he says finally as he serves the food and passes one of the plates to David.  

They make their way through to the other room and sit down on the couch.  It’s intimate in a way that David hadn’t anticipated, legs pressed together, sitting side by side as they eat.  They have no table, so this is going to be their life, for a while at least. The idea of ‘selling’ it doesn’t appeal anymore, though.  David is filled with a mess of conflicted emotions. He wants this to be real, wants Matteo to have chosen this because he wants it and wants David.  But the thought that it might genuinely be a soulbond keeps intruding. Matteo doesn’t appear to have realized that the interviewer might have been right and David isn’t sure how to broach the subject.  If it is real, it brings up the contradictory sensation that then it becomes artificial. Chosen for them not by them. He sighs.

“A party is kind of usual, isn’t it?” he asks finally.  “Everyone does it and it would seem weird if we don’t.”

Matteo’s mouth twists a little, and David can almost feel the distaste coming off him.  He’s never really liked parties, preferring to stay on the edges than in the middle of everything.  “I guess so.” Matteo says finally, setting his fork down and staring glumly at his food.

Taking pity on him, David nudges him with his shoulder.  “Remember we’re supposed to be soulmates,” he says. “No-one will think it’s weird if we keep to ourselves too much.  Remember Jonas and Hanna.”

Matteo looks marginally happier as he picks up the fork again and nods.  “Yeah, I guess. We should do it.”

“Anyway, it can’t be too big,” David says.  “We won’t fit that many people in here. So you know, just the main people.”

 

That’s why he finds himself that weekend in a position where he’s hosting a group of his friends who are getting rowdier by the minute and who have decided to play music as loud as they can get away with.  If it wasn’t for the fact that Matteo seems to be a little out of sorts, David would be in his element. Everyone is so genuinely happy that it makes him feel happy too, but there’s nowhere for Matteo to hide and so he’s leaning against the wall by the balcony, a beer in his hand and a bemused expression on his face.

David makes his way over to him, noticing the exact moment Matteo spots him because his face lights up in a genuine smile and his body loses a small amount of its rigidity as David swings into place beside him.  They’ve pushed all their furniture to the edges of the room meaning there’s a small space for dancing which Hans, Hanna, Lin, Jonas and Kiki have taken advantage of. Their arms are flailing and their bodies swaying back and forth, their laughs drifting to David even over the thud of the music.  He grins, glances sideways, sees the way Matteo’s foot taps as he watches them.

“You want to dance?” he leans in to say and Matteo starts.

He shakes his head.  “No.” But there’s no heat in his voice, indeed there’s a hint of longing.

“Nah, come on.  We have to make this look good,” David says, moving away from the wall and holding his hand out.

Matteo contemplates it for a moment before he sighs, looking resigned.  “Okay. For the act,” he whispers as he takes David’s hand.

Instead of gyrating the way the others are, David pulls Matteo into an embrace, looping his arms around his waist and breathing a sigh of relief as Matteo lets his own settle around David’s back.  There’s a tension there that isn’t always apparent. Not a bad one at all, this one is filled with attraction and expectation. David grins, leans close enough to press his lips next to matteo’s ear.

“Relax,” he says, “you’re so stiff.  You’re supposed to enjoy it, remember.”

Matteo rolls his eyes.  “You try dancing when you have two left feet,” he mutters.

“Don’t believe you,” David whispers in his ear, making him shiver.  “Don’t forget I’ve seen your private kitchen dance parties.”

His reward is a glorious laugh from Matteo and a, “fuck you,” but he does relax a little, his body loses some of its rigidity and he pulls David in a bit more tightly.  The tension is flickering much faster between them now, the music thudding through David’s body making him reckless. Matteo is pressed close, arms around his neck and there’s a desperation in the way David tells himself that it’s all for the act, that Matteo only does this because there are so many people around.  The excuse is starting to wear thin, though. David knows _he’s_ not acting anymore, if he ever was.  And it’s beginning to feel like Matteo isn’t either.  His eyes drift down to David’s lips and David’s heart is beating far too fast for any ability to deny what he’s feeling.  The fact that there are people around them doesn’t even register as his fingers run up Matteo’s neck to cup his jaw. He swallows, watches in fascination as Matteo mirrors him then licks his lips.

Almost in slow motion, David’s fingers slide to the back of Matteo’s head and he pulls him in closer.  Their lips meet. It’s soft, gentle. It lights something up inside of David’s body and he can’t deny the reality anymore.  The interviewer was probably right; this is probably a true soulbond. It’s never felt like this to kiss anyone before. Maybe that’s because he’s finally kissing Matteo, the boy he’s wanted to kiss for what seems like an eternity.  But more likely it’s because soulmate bonds need something to give them a final push. No-one ever knows what that push will feel like, just that it feels like a final homecoming, and even David can’t deny that he feels like he’s home now.

As if he notices the same thing, Matteo presses closer, his body molding itself to David’s.   The kiss deepens and blood roars in David’s ears. Matteo’s hands feel like fire on his skin, and his own fingers can’t stop caressing the soft hair at the base of Matteo’s neck.  David feels lighter than he has in far too long and he has to pull back, press his forehead to Matteo’s and take in a breath. He’s grinning, his eyes closed briefly, unable to believe that really just happened.  

“Fuck,” he whispers, and hears rather than sees Matteo’s huffed laugh as his breath is warn on David’s ear.

“I like you,” Matteo says; it’s barely audible over the music but the confession sends both delight and terror into David’s heart.  Because it _is_ a confession; David can hear the slight fear in the tone, can feel the tremble in the fingers still resting on his shoulders.  He opens his eyes and looks into Matteo’s. There’s happiness there, but also traces of the fear. Whatever he sees in David’s eyes settles that fear though because it disappears and his grin widens.

Someone jostles into them and David is called back to the here and now.  He sucks in a breath, looks around. Their friends are mostly ignoring them, but Carlos is staring.  His eyes are lit up and his face is stretched into a huge grin. It’s enough to make fear flood through David again.  Whatever the fuck is going on here, it’s a lot bigger and a lot more impactful than David had expected to have to deal with when he first suggested this little solution to Matteo’s problems.

David glances back at Matteo, and his heart lightens.  Even that worries him; how much is actually him responding to Matteo, and how much is being set up by the soul bond David really thinks they have now?  Matteo’s face drops a little as he sees whatever is showing on David’s. It reminds him that regardless of his own personal feelings, they have to ‘sell’ their story to the rest of the world.  Carlos is still watching so David forces his expression back into something loving, watches as Matteo’s face mirrors it. He can’t tell what Matteo is thinking, can’t tell if there is genuine feeling there or not.  

Worse, David isn’t sure enough of anything to be able to discuss it rationally with Matteo just yet.  How do you tell someone you’re forced to live with for the foreseeable future that things may not be as that person thinks they are?  Matteo is still focused on the ‘selling’ and the acting. Whatever else he feels is subordinate to that. Besides, how awful to raise his hopes of having a real soulmate when David knows he’s the worst possible choice.  When David knows he doesn’t want a soulmate and the idea that he might have one freezes him in a way that Matteo doesn’t deserve.

There’s only one thing to do.  David’s just going to have to get through the rest of this party with as much of his dignity intact as he can.  Then he’s going to have to go and confess it all to Laura. Of everyone, she’s the one best placed to help him work through all this mess he’s holding inside himself.  So he smiles, lets the loving feelings out onto his face. Matteo smiles back, and David reaches out to push a strand of his hair back behind his ear. Matteo’s eyes flutter closed, and David lets his own follow, falling into an embrace that means he can bury his face in Matteo’s shoulder along with all his conflicting emotions.

 

David slips into his old home as stealthily as he can, making his footsteps as light as he’s able so he can avoid detection.  Which is ridiculous considering that there’s no way he’s going to get out of this without Laura noticing and interrogating him.  So there’s really no point in trying to do this quietly. Still, he pushes the door closed behind him in the particular way he’s grown used to over the time he lived here and is suddenly overcome with a wave of nostalgia which closes his eyes and draws a sigh into his chest.

“This is fucking stupid,” he mutters to himself as he makes his way through into the kitchen.  It’s weird, seeing the place devoid of his things. There’s no beanie casually thrown in a corner, no art stuff lying wherever he’d brought it to show Laura.  No clothes hung out to dry. That just hammers home all the ways in which David’s life has changed.

Laura’s standing by the counter making herself a coffee and David stills in the doorway as she spins to look at him when she detects his presence.  Her face lights up and she moves his way to draw him into a hug, the warmth of that embrace making him squeeze his eyes shut in pained reflection. He holds onto her too long and too tight, and she squeezes him back.

“Okay, David.  This is weird,” she says when she finally pulls back.  “Why are you here?”

“It was all a lie,” he blurts out.  He’s horrified at the wobble in his voice and how bluntly he said that; he was meant to build up to it more naturally.  Laura laughs, and David stares at her in consternation. That wasn’t what he’d expected from his deep confession, even if he’s said it differently than he’d intended, but he has to admit it’s genuinely not a surprise that it’s her reaction.  She’s always found his dramatics amusing; it’s one of the best things about her. She can cut his pretentions down to size.

“What was all a lie?”

She pours him a coffee as well and holds it out to him with a raised brow, her amusement still clear in the quirk of her eyes and the tilt of her lips.  He accepts it and buries his face in it to avoid having to answer her question. She lets it slide for a few seconds before asking again, reaching out with her foot to gently nudge his leg.

He whispers, “the … that Matteo is my soulmate. It was all a fake out.”

“Bullshit.”  The amusement is gone from her tone and she’s glaring at him.  “There’s no way that was fake.”

He sighs, can’t quite meet her eyes.  He’d thought he’d feel better if he told her the truth, but it all just feels shitty, like something is still pressing in on him and he can’t shake the sense of impending doom.  “I … uh. Yeah. The problem is … we did it as a lie. But, now I don’t think it really is one.”

She drags him over to the table, pulls out a chair and dumps him into it forcefully.  “Talk, dumbass.”

So with his eyes fixed on his mug, because he can’t bear to see the things he knows will be on her face, he tells her his suspicions, the things he’s been wondering since the interview with the soulmate tester.  The way they settle each other, the way ‘sensory bond’ makes far too much sense of far too many things that have happened since they met. The way he’s always drawn to Matteo and always has been.

The coffee is going cold in his hands by the time he winds up, and finally looks her in the eyes.  “Matteo still thinks it’s all fake. But …”

“But you don’t think so?”

“No.  And I really like him.  It’s so hard to be with him without showing that.  And if we really are soulmates, and he doesn’t see it the same way I don’t know how to deal with that.”

“So you left?”

“No!”

The glare she directs his way makes him give a tiny rueful smile.  “Okay, I did leave. I came here. But it’s not like _that.”_   Not like the way he’d run from people when he was trying so hard to keep his secrets close to his chest, he means, and she nods like she gets it.  “I just … how do I cope with that?”

“Cope with what?” she asks gently.

“With … with liking him that way when to him it’s all a game.  When we’re probably bonded, properly, but he doesn’t want me that way.”

“David,” she says, reaches out to take his hand.  “How do you know it’s all a game to him? That he doesn’t want you?”

He shrugs.  “I don’t know.  I mean, I know he feels the same touch thing I do.  That’s how I kind of figured it out after the woman said it.”  The memory of the way Matteo would curl into him, the way his body would seem to fit together so well, the way they both settle a bit when they’re together.  Those things all flood back and make David feel warm with remembered comfort. He shakes his head, trying to make the words come out the way he intends. “It’s just … he’s different when we’re alone.  Like he doesn’t want that touch thing and only does it in company to keep up the mask. He said he likes me, but it didn’t seem like he meant it like ...” David trails off, unsure how to finish that sentence without it sounding like an accusation.

“Hmmmm.”

She examines him closely, clearly trying to work out what to say.  He wants to wriggle, restless under her probing eyes, but forces himself to keep his face neutral and his eyes firmly on her hands.  In the end she taps her fingers on his hand, making his gaze snap up to hers. The look she gives him is compassionate and he grimaces; that doesn’t bode well.  That’s a look she wears when she’s going to tell him an unpleasant but necessary truth.

“David.  If you’re soulmates, and honestly if you really thought you were faking you’re both literally so ridiculous.  It was so obvious to all of us. Anyway … if you are soulmates, then he must be feeling it too. You should trust in that.”

“But-”

The look she gives him this time is sharp edged and impatient.  “Don’t start that crap about not wanting a soulmate and ‘free will’ again.”

“It’s not crap though.  I don’t want to be tied to someone because it’s destiny or whatever bullshit reason there is.”

“It’s not ‘someone,’ though.  It’s Matteo. And I know you’ve been into him since … well, pretty much since you met him.  You just said you really like him.”

“That’s when I thought it was my own feelings.  Now … what if it’s not me at all, and just whatever it is that soulmates force you to do?”

“You’re such a dumbass,” she says, getting up to take her cup over to the sink.  “It _is_ your feelings.  Just because it’s a soulmate too doesn’t change that.”

She leaves the room then, clearly aiming to force him to be alone with his thoughts.  It’s always been one of her most effective strategies in getting him to consider things he’s trying to avoid. It works.  He’s left with his thoughts swirling in an anxious mess. It’s not as simple as she makes it sound, though. Matteo wants a soulmate, has longed for one forever, and now he’s stuck with David.  Or rather David is stuck. Because he wants Matteo with an intensity that scares him, and part of him is lit up with delight that it’s _real_ and _true_ and there’s a genuine connection between them.  That they kissed and it meant something, or it did to him.  But he’s so worried that he’ll never be able to know for sure.  If they are soulmates and it did happen before they were eighteen, then it really must have happened not long after they met.  That means everything David has ever felt could be some artificial bullshit brought on by whatever it is that makes a soulmate a soulmate.  That means David’s never really had a choice. All the dumb pining … fake. Because it was all the connection they already had, a connection decided by some outside force and not themselves at all.

David drops his head onto his hands on the table and groans.  He’s wanted Matteo for so long, but now he’s stuck in a situation that makes him question the validity of all those feelings.  Worse, they still have to keep it up and stay together because Matteo still needs the housing. None of David’s crisis of self reflection changes any of that.  So, now he’s faced with having to decide whether he talks to Matteo about it or whether he tries to work through the whole thing by himself. But he can’t really do _that_ at all.  Not when they’re living so closely together in such a small space.

He groans again.  A real soulmate. A real soulmate he’s tied to not just emotionally, but also financially. A real soulmate in circumstances which mean he has no time to get used to the idea on his own.  David has to think of Matteo and everything he needs as well as himself. This is exactly what he’s been worried about with the idea of soulmates from the start. Worse, this is all his own fault; the whole thing was his idea.  So now here he is, probably tied to someone else, someone who deserves better than his reluctant soulmatehood, but someone who needs him right now.  

Fuck.


	5. Matteo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is 99% pining and angst, I'm sorry. It does get better next one, but in the meantime this is what we have. I don't even know who I am, right now; fluff-free stuff is not my usual at all.

Matteo blinks awake on Sunday morning with a vague sense of wrongness.  He stretches, feeling the satisfying clicks in his body and a pleasant lethargic ache in his limbs.  So far, so normal. It’s Sunday, so there’s also the ever present guilt that he’s not going to church with his mother.  He’d been more and more reluctant even before he’d been forced to move out of their home, but it’s worse now.  _ She’s _ not even going, or at least that’s what her occasional text message suggests.  The focus in the hospital is on getting her well, and she’s still too fragile for that sort of trip.   _ But maybe next week, _ she says cheerfully.  He can hear the longing even through the impersonal medium of the message string.  So there’s a nagging feeling that Matteo should go just to represent the family in some way, as if it would be noticed that none of them attended and held against them somehow.  To assuage some of the guilt he’s feeling, he resolves to go see her as soon as he can arrange it. But even these feelings don’t account for the wrongness of the moment. These feelings are normal, they sit alongside Matteo at every point of every day.

He glances to the side to see what David’s doing, and that’s when the wrongness becomes clear.  He’s not there. There’s no mess of dark fluffy hair inches away on the pillow. There’s no soft breathing or warm body nearby.  Matteo’s body had noticed, even when his conscious brain didn’t, and it missed David’s presence, his skin itching with the desire to touch but unable to do so with David missing.  When Matteo reaches out he can feel the coolness of the sheets. David’s been out of the bed for a long time, then. The room is empty, too, when he sits up to look around, and there are no reassuring sounds from the kitchen or bathroom.  It’s all still and quiet, hushed in a way it never is when David is there, even if he’s just sitting silently working on his art. So. David’s not at home at all, and that’s just  _ weird. _   Most weird is the fact that Matteo is so used to waking up next to David already that it feels wrong that he’s not here.   _ It’s only been a week or two, _ he chides himself.   _ This is ridiculous.  _

Feeling a slight buzz of disappointment, and the itch settling deeper into his skin as he misses David’s presence with an almost physical ache, Matteo gets up and throws on the nearest clothes he can find, then makes his way through to the kitchen to make something to eat.  There’s a feeling of disorientation today, when he realizes he can’t tell if he should make food just for himself or if David will need something too when he returns. The sense of wrongness created by his absence is so irritating, tickling at Matteo in a way that’s really uncomfortable, that he falls back on his old comfort food.  Pasta alla Luigi. He snorts at himself. Of all the pretentious things he could call his moping breakfast pasta. Still, it brings a small modicum of normality into this weirdly abnormal day, and has the added bonus of leaving enough for David if he needs it.

Matteo sits at the small table they finally decided to buy and have now dragged into one corner of their big room.  It’s oddly lonely without David’s smug grin and his feet that tangle with Matteo’s at every opportunity. He eats, thinks about where David could be.  The pasta is uninspiring, his comfort no longer derived from the bursts of flavor. Not when his body is craving David’s proximity and is rebelling now that he’s not around.  Matteo wonders if there was any hint of what David might be doing, and when he might come back. Which is odd, too. It’s not like they always announce where they’re going or what they’re doing.  

But today is different; today is the day after things changed.  Today is the day after Matteo put himself on the line and David responded oddly.  Today is a day where Matteo needed some reassurance. But today is a day when everything went weird instead.  So he casts about in his mind for something to hang his fears on, something to settle him.  _ I need to go see Laura, _ Matteo hears in memory, and he instantly relaxes.  David had whispered it, just after brushing Matteo’s hair back behind his ear when they’d kissed.  That’s what this will be, then. David has spoken before about his tendency to run away when things get too much for him, and Matteo only realizes once it’s gone how much that thought had been eating at him, building the sense of wrongness to a much higher intensity.  How much he’d been worried that David was running from  _ him. _

Because they kissed last night and Matteo had spoken of his affection in a way that still scares him when he thinks about it.   _ I like you, _ he’d said.  And he’d meant it.  Not as David’s friend, not as a way to remind him he’s a wonderful person who’s doing something kind for Matteo, not as a platonic thing.  No. He’d meant it as a confession, as a way to tell David that this all means more to Matteo than a friendly contract. That, despite the knowledge that they aren’t truly soulmates, Matteo wants more than just a friendship.  He was high on the party, high on David’s presence, slightly drunk and very very reckless.  

And David.  Well, his face had changed.  Tightened. Something that looked hard and anxious had flitted onto it before he smoothed it out into a very convincing loving expression, so convincing that it could have been real if Matteo hadn’t caught his genuine feelings in the fleeting moment before it had changed.  And Matteo’s heart had sunk. So now here he is, alone in their home, with an absent David and that one sentence hanging in the air, a roadblock between them.

Matteo is still sitting at the table, contemplating all the ways in which he messed up last night and starting to feel the panic creeping in under his skin, making it tight and hot, when the door creaks and his heart stops.  David enters the room and stills when he sees Matteo.

“Hey,” he says, and there’s a weird wobble in his voice, a tension that doesn’t usually sit in it.  His body is also rigid, tense in a way that’s unusual.

“I … made some food, if you want,” Matteo says because he can’t think of anything else.  Because it’s so awkward and strange being here with David right now. Because, far from lessening the feeling of wrongness that has been hovering ever since Matteo woke, David’s presence is only heightening the divide.  Something awkward is flowing between them, making staying normal close to impossible.

“Thanks,” David says as he nods his head awkwardly, one short sharp duck of his head, and goes into the kitchen.

Matteo groans and drops his own head onto the table.  Why is he like this? It’s David, the one who is always so very kind and so very lovely.  The one person who’s been a friend to Matteo even when everyone else was pairing up and moving on.  By rights, Matteo should be able to laugh with him and say  _ hey, about that kiss _ and have it all be okay.  But here they are with this stiff awkwardness between them and Matteo’s brain in all sorts of whirls.

David returns from the kitchen with a plate of the pasta, and seats himself on the couch, almost as far from Matteo at the table as he can get.  The conversation remains as stilted as it started and Matteo can feel his body tensing up with every minute that passes. After an hour or so of the newly awkward way they’ve started to act around each other, showcased by the tense politeness in every word, Matteo is relieved when he gets a message from Jonas asking if he wants to meet up.  He knows this is just a way to pump him for information about his new soulmate but he still bounces to his feet and gathers his jacket.

“You’re going out?” David asks.  There’s a small note of wistfulness in his voice that Matteo doesn’t want to explore too much right now, so he just smiles as brightly as he can.

“Yeah.  Jonas wants some bro time.”

David’s face falls further before he drags his own smile on.  Matteo knows him so well by now that he can tell it’s not genuine.  Wincing internally, he wonders if his own looks that bad.

“Okay.  Well, see you later on then,” he says as cheerfully as he can before he practically runs out of the apartment.

When he gets outside, he leans against the wall and lets his breath out.  Fuck. It’s obvious that telling David how he feels was the worst idea Matteo’s ever had, and his visit to Laura hasn’t changed that at all.  Any hope that David was taking a few moments to himself to get his head sorted out are diminishing by the second. Which is just  _ perfect, _ Matteo thinks.  He really did go and do it again, falling for a friend who doesn’t have the same ideas.  What happened to being careful and thoughtful with his actions? What happened to not jeopardizing what he has with David for the sake of his stupid crush?  David and his soulmate suggestion happened, that’s what. The way they seemed to fit together so seamlessly happened, and Matteo let himself be fooled.

It’s with these sour thoughts ringing in his head that he meets up with Jonas.  He had been intending to play the happy newly-soulmated love-struck idiot, but he can’t manage to drag the required energy into his body.  So Jonas looks at him with his eyes concerned and his face sad.

“You’re not yourself,” he says, making Matteo laugh.  It’s a small, bitter one and it only makes the creases between Jonas’s brows deepen.  “I mean it,” he adds. “Since you found out about David being your soulmate you’ve been a lot lighter somehow.  Happier.” He waves his hands in Matteo’s direction. “But now this is the old you.”

Matteo shrugs.  He doesn’t really want to go into it.  “It’s nothing. Stress with my mother.”  He hopes that’s enough to put Jonas off; it always worked in the past so there’s precedence.

Jonas shakes his head, though.  “No, you’re not hiding behind that again.  What’s really wrong?”

“I … uh.”  Matteo can’t figure out how to say this without admitting that everything was a lie, and he can’t do that.  His home life is still too fragile to let on that he’s not really entitled to the soulmate benefits. “I don’t know.  David’s being weird.”

“Weird how?”

“I kind of told him how long I’ve liked him for last night.”  _ Lies,  _ he screams in his head.   _ You told him you like him, period. _   But he can’t say that, not to someone who doesn’t know everything.  Matteo sighs. “And … he got weird. Awkward, staying away from me more.  You know. Weird.”

Distressingly, Matteo can hear the unhappiness pouring into his voice, feels the way his breath hitches as he talks and the way his lips tremble a little as he tries to purse them once he’s done.

“Hmmmm.”

There’s a hand on his leg and another around his shoulders and Matteo is shaken by how much he actually needs this.  He lets himself melt into the hug, trying to forget the way he would do this with David and how it had always felt so much like home.  

“If it helps, I think he’s liked you too.  So maybe it’s just a lot to process right now.  You’ve both been so obviously into each other practically since the beginning.”

Matteo flushes at the idea that not only has he been that transparent, but also that everyone has noticed.  But there’s a tiny thrill of hope too, at the idea that David might have felt it as well. That everything that’s happened over the last week or two hasn’t all been in Matteo’s head.

“Shouldn’t that make it easier?” he asks.  “If it’s true? Why would he be so distant?”

“He’s never been into the soulmate thing, has he?”

Matteo shakes his head, can’t bring himself to say the word and make it true.

“That’s probably it, then,” Jonas says, giving his shoulder a final squeeze before he lets him go.  “It must be hard for him, getting into something he’s been so vocally against, and then finding out that it’s been mutual for as long as it has …”

Sucking in a breath, Matteo smiles.  “Thanks,” he says quietly. It helps a little, having Jonas’s support, but it’s also really tough knowing that this genuinely can’t be the problem.  It’s all a fake, so none of this applies to David. Unless … unless it really is fear of knowing how Matteo feels. He’s been so vocal about wanting a soulmate that perhaps David thinks he’s getting too involved in the pretence.  

His phone buzzes in his pocket and he takes the excuse to move the conversation away from the David situation.

“It’s my mother,” he says.  “I forgot I agreed to go see her soon.”

“How’s she doing?” Jonas asks, his face a little guilty as he remembers that she really is having some difficulties.  That Matteo may not have been hiding behind that whole situation. Even though in this case he was.

“Okay, I guess,” Matteo says.  He feels his own stab of guilt.  He hasn’t paid enough attention to her since she was sent to the hospital, so he’s not even really sure about what’s going on with her.  “It’s good that she’s ready for visitors now.”

Jonas agrees, and the conversation swirls onto other topics.  To Hanna and the ways Jonas’s life has changed since he found her.  To their work, to the stress of trying to fit paid work around university courses.  To a nostalgia for the simpler times of the end of high school. Matteo knows he’s stalling, knows that all he’s doing is avoiding going back to his home so he doesn’t have to face up to the newly awkward David who’s taken up residence there, but he’s happy enough here with Jonas.  David, and all the ways he’s been weird, can wait.  

 

The hospital, when Matteo finally reaches it a couple of days later after a time at home that has been characterized by increasingly awkward interactions and longer silences, looks forbidding enough from the outside.  It’s brick, square and solid with nothing welcoming to give any indication that people can be happy, or even content, here. While that makes sense, since it has to be secure, it still makes Matteo shudder. His mother, his loving beautiful mother who can’t help who she is or how she is, is stuck inside there somewhere.  She’s not even allowed out to go to church or do any of the things that made her life meaningful since his father left. It’s all much more confronting when he sees it in front of him like this.

He pushes the door open, hears the thunk as it closes behind him and then gets buzzed through into the main part of the hospital.  It’s better inside, with some attempts made to liven it up. It’s still square, but the walls are painted in cheerful colours, yellows, soft pinks, blues and soothing greens.  There are plants flourishing in corners and draping down walls from planters high up near the ceilings. It’s still got that feeling though, the one that can’t be disguised. It’s a hospital and it’s designed to keep people secluded.  Matteo sighs and makes his way to the desk set up as a reception, and asks for his mother.

The woman seated behind it smiles gently, her eyes crinkling in a way that suggests that she’s always cheerful like this.  Her voice, when she speaks, is calm and soothing with a warmth and humor behind it that makes Matteo feel a little better about the place.  She points him in the direction of his mother’s room and he makes his way down the long hallway. It feels less like a hospital here, with carpet covering the floor and art on some of the walls.  Matteo pauses outside the door he’s been told is his mother’s and takes a breath before knocking lightly.  

“Come in,” she calls, and Matteo closes his eyes in brief nostalgia as that voice floods over him again.  He hadn’t realized how much he’d missed it until he heard it again now.

“Hey,” he says as he pushes the door open and peers around it.  She’s sitting in a soft plump armchair, with a book in her hand, her fingers poised over one page as she looks up.  Matteo doesn’t have to look to know what it is. Her face lights up as she sees him and she shuts the book and carefully sets it to one side before standing to pull him into a hug as he enters.

“Baby,” she says when she finally pulls back to look into his face and push his hair back off his eyes.  “I’ve missed you.”

A lump in his throat and an ache in his heart, Matteo smiles.  “I’ve missed you, too.”

In all the mixed stress and delight of the situation with David, he hadn’t really allowed himself to process what’s happened to her.  But here with her, he really does miss their time together. It wasn’t good before his father left, with the arguments and the recriminations.  But when it was just the two of them things had settled into something that worked for them. Losing that has been a bigger blow than Matteo had acknowledged before and he swallows, forcing himself to smile.  She at least seems content here, and her eyes have a clarity and focus that has often been missing over the last few months.

They sit, his mother back in her armchair and Matteo on the side of her bed.  He’s perched forward, his hands tucked under his knees and his attention fixed on her.

“You’re okay?” she asks, and he remembers all the messages he hasn’t answered or the ones he’s sent back with basic information and nothing else.  Everything in his life has all been so overwhelming that he hasn’t had enough energy for more, but he feels the guilt of that now.

“Yeah.  I am,” he says.  “I … uh. I don’t think I really said it before, but … I found out I have a soulmate.  So that’s … we got a place, so you don’t have to worry.”

He’s agonized at the lie and wonders if she’ll be able to catch him out, but she smiles, settles back into the chair.  “I always hoped you would. Is she nice?”

Matteo drags his eyes away.  She’s never really come to terms with the knowledge that he’s gay.  She’s never been  _ bad, _ exactly, and has made it clear that she loves him no matter what.  But this sort of thing happens far too often, when she forgets or falls into the usual rhythms and makes these small mistakes.

_ “He _ is nice, yeah,” he says.

She nods, acknowledges the correction.  “It’s good that you found someone,” she says.  “You’ve never done well alone.”

His mouth twists with a wry recognition of her meaning.  He’s always moped, she means. He’s always wanted to be part of something bigger than himself and never really felt like he connected.  Except with David, he thinks. He’s always been someone Matteo has been comfortable with, someone who could drag him out of himself without making him feel like he’s broken.  If only these things he’s telling his mother could be a genuine truth, Matteo would be the happiest he’s ever been because David has always made him happy. That he’s been so odd the last few days makes Matteo’s heart drop and he finds it hard to keep the pleasant smile on his face.  She notices, leans forward to set her hand on his knee.

“You don’t seem all that happy, though.”

He shakes his head.  “I am. It’s just a lot to get used to, and he … I’m not sure he likes it as much as I do.  He’s been quite weird lately.”

How ironic, Matteo thinks, to have a repeat of the conversation with Jonas here with his mother.  As if she’s going to tell him anything different. As if hearing it from her might suddenly make it all true.  She smiles, a twinkle in her eye and the old mischief he used to love playing around her mouth. “That happens, baby.  Sometimes it takes some getting used to.”

He shrugs.  Wishes he could be honest with her.  Wishes he could tell her about the stupid plan they’d come up with and how much it’s eating at him.  How blissful it had been in those first few days when it felt like they were connecting in the way Matteo had always wanted.  But how hard that’s made it now that David has pulled back and Matteo doesn’t even know why.

“It’s David,” he says finally, wants to add ‘I think I might love him,’ but can’t bring himself to admit it, not even to his mother.  Partly because that’s such a big thought and it scares him, but also partly because she won’t understand. ‘Of course,’ she’d say. ‘That’s what soulmates are.’  So instead he adds, “shouldn’t we already be used to it?”

Her smile softens into something less amused and more gentle.  “Sometimes those are the hardest of all,” she says. “You have to get used to the way things between you have changed.”

“I guess so,” he agrees, though it chills his heart.  Because they  _ were _ used to the change, or at least Matteo thought they were, but now things have changed again and it’s hard to figure out how and why.  

But he can’t keep having this same conversation with a whole bunch of people who aren’t David.  None of them know the truth and so none of them have the right words to help it all become better.  It’s not like Matteo to avoid confronting people, not when it’s important to him, and yet here he has been, carefully talking to everyone except David.  So he knows what he has to do. When he gets home, he’s going to have to speak to the one person who has the information he needs. As terrifying as the idea is, it’s the only way he’s going to find any peace.

He scoots back on the bed and smiles at his mother.  “What about you? Things going okay here?”

“Yes,” she says, as one hand reaches out to sit on top of the bible she was reading.  “I would love to go back to church and to choir, but that will come so they say.”

“It will,” Matteo says.  “Some things just take time.”  She nods and he smiles wryly at himself.  His own advice is useful, really. He needs to take the time to sort things out properly.  Time to actually talk to David. “You said there’s a garden here? Can I see it?”

Her face lights up and she stands readily.  “Of course.” 

The rest of the afternoon passes tranquilly enough, and he ends up having dinner with her.  They talk, reminisce about their old life. By the time he leaves, Matteo is more comfortable with his mother’s surroundings.  It’s still a hospital and nothing can change that, but it’s obvious that a lot of care has gone into setting it up and it’s equally obvious that his mother is well cared for and reasonably content.  It’s all he can really ask.

By the time he gets home, however, he’s exhausted.  He loves his mother, has loved seeing her again, and yet it was such a strain keeping up his pretence.  It didn’t come up too often after that first conversation, but there were enough mentions of soulmates, and of what his father had done, that Matteo is feeling the tension of keeping his cheerful facade up.  Of pretending that what he and David has is real and that all the issues he’s seeing are just teething problems.

He steps into the room and David is right there.  He, too, looks exhausted and surprisingly he falls immediately into Matteo’s embrace.  It’s a shock after so many long days of polite distance, but Matteo’s body reacts in its usual way.  It has no idea there’s something off between them now, so it curls against David’s, his head almost flopping onto his shoulder as they both stand breathing each other in.  It’s the exhaustion, Matteo thinks. He’d never let this happen on a normal day after so long without, and yet he’s too tired, too much in need of this comfort to let go. He soaks up the peace that being with David brings, lets himself bury all the day’s fears and stresses in his neck.  It's such a _relief_ after so long without touch that Matteo almost whimpers as his body reacts to David's closeness by melting into him.

Still.  It gets too much, the emotion, and he feels the lump starting to rise in his throat.  He steps back, out of David’s arms, and shakes his head.

“I can’t do this,” he mutters.

David hears him and his entire body stiffens.  He leans back too, his face an unreadable mask.  “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have assumed. I thought this would make things easier.”

“No,” Matteo shakes his head carefully, thinks about what his mother had said this afternoon, how she talked about what happened with his father.  How much happier she was once it was done and he was gone. “It’s fine. It’s all me, it’s all been my fault. I think … maybe we should stage what my dad did soon.  That way...” He takes a breath, tries to steady the wobble in his voice and the pain in his heart. “That way we don’t have to do this stupid awkward thing anymore. And I mean, my mother was allowed to keep her place after.  So it’s not like I lose the housing …”

He trails off, realizing he’s been babbling, and looks up to David’s horrified stare.  “I don’t want that,” he says quietly.

“Then why have you been so weird the last few days?”

“Look, you know the whole soulmate thing is kind of weird for me.”

“It was your idea!” Matteo can hear the frustrated anger in his voice and shies away from David’s wince as his voice raises and the stress pours out of him.

“I know.  I know it was.”  David sighs, drags his eyes away from Matteo’s.  There’s sadness in his voice and in his stance. “This was always a stupid idea,” he says softly.  “I was always risking too much.”

“Risking what?” 

David shrugs, doesn’t answer.  It’s there on his face, though.  Matteo has always been able to read him when he’s in the grip of big emotions, and he means he was risking his own heart.  Which should by rights make Matteo feel like flying, but it doesn’t. Because there’s regret there too, sorrow, a sense of loss.  David is trying to tell him it’s done.

“I … I’m going to go get changed for bed,” David says, still not holding Matteo’s gaze.  “I’ll talk about it all then.”

And then he’s gone, only a faint whiff of his shampoo lingering behind him.  He’s already showered then, Matteo realizes dully. It’s not important, but his brain is latching onto anything it can to avoid facing the truth.  He may have suggested breaking up, following in his father’s footsteps, but it’s not what he wants. And even though David said he didn’t want it either, it’s clear in his body language that he’s done with the pretence.  And done with whatever reality they’d been salvaging out of that pretence as well. The only question left to be answered is why.

Matteo manages to get to the bed somehow, his heart thudding with a dull, painful ache.  He curls into the sheets, wrapping them as hard as he can around his body. The scrape of the fabric on his legs and around his chest makes the pain a little easier.  It’s been hard enough to have realized he’s in love with someone who’s his best friend, without also having to acknowledge that whatever they had together is now gone.  He runs through everything that David has said and done since they met, and he can see clearly now that he was just as infatuated as Matteo was too. The looks, the smiles, the way they gravitated to each other whenever they were in the same place.  The way they were both so very careful not to touch, and the way they both fell into it so naturally once they started up this damn soulmates pretence. It all meant something, to David as well as Matteo. Unfortunately, he can also see just as clearly that David no longer feels the same way, and it twists something raw in his heart.

David comes back from the bathroom and hovers awkwardly in the doorway.  His eyes are wide and anxious, and his movements stutter and still as if the very sight of Matteo causes him pain.  Matteo swallows back the tears that are threatening and shifts in the bed.

“It’s okay,” he says softly, holding David’s gaze and watching as it shifts into something sad and pale.  “I can sleep on the couch. You should … you really should sleep properly for once.”

Shaking his head, David sighs.  He moves towards the bed, reluctance obvious in every drag of his feet.  “No. It’s big enough. We can both use it.” He sits on the edge, though, belying his words with no attempt to get in properly.  “I just … I think I need to tell you something first.”

Matteo sits up, confused.  The bedding is scrunched around his legs, twisted over his hips and he struggles against it as he gets into a more upright position.  Once Matteo is free, he scoots so he’s leaning up against the wall, and grabs a pillow into his arms. “Okay,” he says finally. It’s obvious that whatever it is that David wants to say isn’t going to come easily.  His face is even paler now, and he can’t hold Matteo’s eyes.  

Instead of talking, David finally slides into the bed and leans back against the wall next to Matteo.  His warmth should be a familiar comfort by now, but today it feels weird. They haven’t sat this close in days, and Matteo feels every second of the time they’ve been acting awkwardly around each other in the sliver of space that’s still allowed to come between them.  David tilts his head so he can look up at the ceiling as if for guidance from the stars, then glances sideways. He looks anxious again, his lips chewed between his teeth, black smudges under his eyes and his cheeks flushed. It’s all Matteo can do to avoid touching him.  It’s funny, the way he instinctively reaches out to try to soothe David whenever something like this happens. But today he can’t. Everything between them feels too big and too distant.

David clears his throat and Matteo’s attention is dragged back towards him.  He smiles, a weak imitation of his usual glorious grins, and that makes something stab at Matteo too.  David should never be allowed to look like that.

“You remember that day when we had the interview to fool the people into thinking we’re soulmates?”

Smiling as he remembers how free he felt after that moment, feeling the moment as a soothing memory in this whole whirlwind he’s found himself in, Matteo says, “yeah.”

“I’m pretty sure we didn’t fool anyone.”

There’s a strain in David’s voice and he’s got that look again as he stares at Matteo with that deep intensity that usually stirs something in the pit of his stomach.  The one where it’s like he’s expecting Matteo to pick up on something he’s trying to say without using words. Instead of finding it endearing, as he usually does, Matteo is suddenly irritated.  He hates feeling stupid and the way David expects him to understand his unspoken messages is tiring. Because Matteo doesn’t understand, not always. He frowns, tries to work his way through it without success.

“But … they gave us housing.  They believed us.”

“Yeah, they did.”  David lets his breath out again, carefully, and his words are stilted when he speaks.  He’s withdrawn his gaze again, has definitely worked out that Matteo’s not going to get whatever he’s saying unless he says it.  He swallows, straightens his shoulders and speaks up to the ceiling. “They did. Because I think we really are soulmates.”

Matteo shakes his head, breath punched out of him.  “That’s not possible.”

“Why not?”

“Because … because we’re older than eighteen.  That’s not the way things happen.”

David’s smile this time is small and sad.  He’s still not looking at Matteo. “Before you got into the room after your solo interview she said it’s a sensory bond and because we didn’t really touch before then it could have been masked.”

It all makes a sick sort of sense, and for the second time that day Matteo evaluates everything they’ve done since they met.  In this new light, it all adds up and he swallows against the pain that claws at his throat. For something Matteo has wanted to hear since he was old enough to know what having a soulmate means, this is hitting him hard and heavy.  His hands have started shaking and his breath is coming in quiet, desperate gasps. Probably because it’s obvious David is unhappy, so Matteo can’t help but feel like he’s trapped him somehow. As if his own desire for a real soulmate has somehow infected David in a way he didn’t want or ask for.

“I’m sorry,” he whispers.  “I know you don’t want this.”

David nods, swallows and looks away.  Matteo can feel his heart clenching again, hot shame flooding through him.  What a fool he is. He has a soulmate, the one thing he’s always wanted. The thing he’s been longing for and was just coming to terms with living without.  He has a soulmate, and it’s the one person he’d have picked for himself if he could have chosen. And yet it’s the last thing he wants right now. He’s in love with David, he knows that now.  And David felt the same way, Matteo’s sure of that now too. The fact of their soulmatehood just makes that even more clear than it has been. But whatever David was feeling has been swept away in this new knowledge he’s shared, this new knowledge that David is clearly unhappy about.  Maybe this is why he’s been so weird lately.

“How long have you known?” Matteo asks eventually, when the silence becomes unbearable and the urge to touch and hold his soulmate starts to overwhelm him.  The urge that he has to fight against because David wants nothing to do with this. That’s obvious in the taut lines of his body and the awkward tension in the tone of his voice.  It’s there is the way his eyes slide away from Matteo’s whenever they hold his gaze and in the way he still isn’t touching Matteo. A sensory bond. Touch. Matteo winces as he realizes why David has been distant the last few days.

“I wondered ever since the interview, but I knew after …” David trails off, blushing, before taking a steadying breath and looking away from Matteo again.  “After we kissed. That’s when it was sealed.”

“Oh.”

Shit.  That’s why David was so awkward since that evening.  That’s why Matteo had woken up the next day alone and uncomfortably aware of the distance between them.  Matteo had thought it was because David had realized Matteo had genuine feelings for him, but it’s worse than that.  That’s when David figured out they share a real bond, and one he’s not keen to keep. That’s when everything Matteo has ever wanted suddenly shifted and started to work against him.  There’s a great irony in knowing that he has a soulmate but it’s not making him happy the way he always thought it would.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If anyone wants to come talk to me (or yell at me, whatever) you can join me on [my tumblr](https://evakuality.tumblr.com/)


	6. David

Silence rings out in the small space after David tells Matteo that their bond is real and was sealed when they kissed.  It’s not comfortable, this silence. This one is filled with pain and the simmering, anxious tension that’s been building over the last week and which david has been trying to ignore.  The look on Matteo’s face is one David will carry with him for far too long. It’s stricken with panic, sadness and something else David can’t quite put his finger on, but that makes his heart ache.  He knew telling him was a terrible idea, but he’d needed to do it; the weight between them over the last days has been oppressive while David tried to work things through by himself. Matteo has wanted a soulmate for as long as David has known him; it’s sat on him like another skin, such an integral part of who he is that David doesn’t even know if he’d recognize Matteo without it.  But that’s been the problem. Until David had been sure he wanted to figure something out, he’d been reluctant to tell Matteo  _ because _ it’s so important to him.  But that’s a choice that’s now biting back.

“I’m not … it’s not that I don’t want it,” he says finally.  “It’s just not fair to you.”

Matteo shakes his head, irritation clear in his body, and the damn pillow he’s grabbed to keep a distance between them clutched tight to his chest.  “What’s not fair to me is this …” he stops, clearly unsure how to say what he needs to say now. He waves his hand between them, pointing out the distance.  Pointing out the newly awkward way they’ve learned to be together. David feels all the guilt of that.

“Why didn’t you talk to me?” Matteo asks, and it’s a reasonable question.  Why  _ didn’t _ he?  David’s not sure, except that he’s been on his own side for so long that he’s not used to sharing things with other people.  Laura has always managed to squeeze her way in there by virtue of standing her ground and refusing to let him run from her. But other than her, David hasn’t been used to talking things through.  He’s relied on his own thoughts and understandings to help him think things into submission. Even when he knew he should talk to Matteo, he’d kept himself somewhat aloof. Even when it was obvious it was driving a wedge between them, David had still not said anything.  Not until now, not until he’d been  _ sure _ he’s ready to try to start again.  Not until he decided he wanted to make whatever fragile thing they had between them work in whatever way he could.  Watching Matteo’s face in the dim light from the window, David knows that decision was a bad one.

“I don’t know,” he whispers.  “I probably should have.”

Looking at Matteo now, reflecting on the way things have been over the last week or so while he processed, seeing the way his face is shutting down, the panic he’d been feeling turning to anger, David  _ knows _ he should have.  Matteo’s unhappy snort says he knows as well, that ‘probably’ doesn’t really cut it.  

Matteo takes a breath, looks him square in the eye.  His mouth is pursed in an angry line, but there’s a raw pain in his eyes that belies the anger.  A pain that makes David feel like shit. “Okay, well then what now?”

“What do you mean?”

David is a little taken aback by the aggression in Matteo’s voice.  He’s usually so softly spoken that this is unusual. It speaks a lot to the way he’s been feeling and how betrayed he is now.

“You’re clearly not into the idea, so what now?  You shouldn’t have to do this sort of thing when you don’t want to.”  Now he seems defeated, like he’s giving up and that’s hard to bear too.  The aggression that had fueled him is gone as soon as it appeared, but now he looks lost and alone.

“I said before, it’s not that I don’t want to.  It’s … I always just wanted to choose for myself.  I never wanted a soulmate so it’s been ...” David’s voice is miserable.  He hates this, hates that he’s done this to Matteo. He looks diminished somehow, shrunk down into his side of the bed.  All the light David has always loved has drained from his face, dark clouds of dismay replacing it. 

Matteo nods, his face settling into an unreadable mask that just makes everything worse.  “Yeah,” he agrees. “You made that obvious.” He sighs, his eyes on the opposite wall. “I’m sorry you’re stuck with me.”  There’s a choked up sound in his voice as he says it that cuts deeply into David’s chest.

“No,” he says, awkwardly.  “You don’t understand. I wanted to choose you.  All that stuff when we were ‘pretending’ at the start, I felt all that.  I just don’t know how much of that was me and how much was the universe making it happen.  So I … well, I had to think about it.”

“That’s such a bullshit excuse,” Matteo retorts, letting the anger he had pushed away sharpen his voice and glitter in his eyes.  Or is it pain? David can’t quite tell and it’s so disorientating not being able to decipher Matteo that he’s not sure what to do with it.  “Take some fucking responsibility,” Matteo adds as he turns away from David in the bed, thrusts the pillow under his head, the conversation clearly over for him.

David stares at him sadly.  He should have expected this, after so long avoiding any real intimacy.  This is what he’s always feared. He has someone else now, someone he should pay attention to, someone whose feelings and needs are just as important as David’s own.  And he has no idea how to deal with that, no idea how to open up and be vulnerable in a way that doesn’t upset Matteo. Knows he fucked it up, but has no idea how to salvage anything from this.

“I’m sorry,” he says quietly, lying down facing Matteo’s rigid back.  He reaches a hand out to touch his shoulder but draws it back when Matteo flinches away from the touch.

This isn’t going the way David had imagined.  He’d thought he could take the time to sort things out in his own mind.  He’d thought once he’d come to terms with it that he could go back to what they had when they were just starting this thing.  He’d thought, presumptuously, that Matteo would come around once he’d made his confession that they’re real soulmates. He’d assumed that Matteo’s desire to have one would outweigh the problems that have arisen the last few days.  

Unfortunately, David was wrong, and now he has to work out how to make this right.  Because the one thing he’s terrified of, more so even than the idea that he’s the soulmate of someone else and having to face the fact that he’s been shoved into this with no choice, is losing Matteo.  If the last few days have taught David anything, it’s that whatever reservations he has around what’s happening to him, it doesn’t change the fact that if Matteo ever did walk out of his life it would devastate him.

The next few days are difficult.  It’s not  _ quite _ as tense and awkward as it has been.  Matteo doesn’t look like a particularly sad puppy anymore, which is a plus.  Unfortunately, instead he’s become distant, withdrawn, and he doesn’t tend to make eye contact anymore, which is a definite minus.  When he speaks to David it’s either clipped and formal, acting very much as if this is just a contract, or it’s apathetic and uninterested.  The soft comfort of the hug they shared, the night David had confessed what he knows, is gone. In its place is a new reliance on weed. Or it’s not new, exactly, because back when they were suffering through Abi stress Matteo had descended into exactly this sort of funk.  It concerns David, but any time he tries to broach the subject, tries to rekindle the connection, Matteo leaves the apartment and doesn’t come back for an hour or two. 

The boys notice.  Carlos first. He sends a message privately to David asking if everything is okay with Matteo.  David looks at it unhappily, has no idea how to respond. Because everything isn’t right with Matteo but there’s still the ‘pretence.’  After the one shocking moment when Matteo had suggested ‘breaking up’ already, they’ve fallen back into an uneasy recognition that it’s too soon.  They can’t stage any sort of breakup until they’ve been soulmates for an acceptable length of time. Even now that they definitely know they’re soulmates, the consequences of trying to deceive could still bite them.  So David just messages back that Matteo’s a little stressed.

Then one day the group chat lights up with a series of extremely unsubtle messages that have David rolling his eyes.

_ Abdi: yo, we need to hang.   _

_ Carlos: yeah we haven’t done that in ages.  I’ve almost forgotten what Luigi looks like. _

_ Matteo: fuck you _

_ Abdi: charming, bro _

_ Jonas: we should though.  I miss you guys _

_ Carlos: things with Hanna getting too much already? _

David sighs as he reads.  Matteo’s message is grumpy and gives no indication of what he wants to do, and David feels uncomfortable about agreeing to meet everyone while things are still so weird between them.  Not when a meeting like this would require the sort of togetherness they’ve been displaying since they started this little charade-that’s-not-a-charade. He has no idea where Matteo is right now, and he can’t accept without talking to him.  Still, he needs to join in the chat somehow just to show that things are normal.

_ David: As if you and Kiki are any better! _

_ Carlos: I’m pained here, bro.  But what do you think? Have some beers? _

_ Jonas: No excuses.  I’m calling an ok.cool chat meetup.  My place this Saturday. _

_ Abdi: oooh, you’re really going to take time out from your soulmate.  That’s true bro love right there. _

_ Matteo: If there’s beer I’m in. _

So much for checking with each other first, David thinks.  With some reservations he agrees to join them, and resolves to talk about it with Matteo once he’s home from wherever he is.

The hours drag until he does arrive in the door looking more tired and sad than he has in a long time.  As irritated as he feels that Matteo agreed to go along without talking to him, David can’t bring himself to chastise Matteo when he looks like this, so he just says hi and waits til he’s kicked off his shoes, thrown his jacket in the corner and slumped onto the bed.

“So, meeting with the boys this weekend, huh?”

Matteo rolls so he can see David over the side of the bed, and smiles.  It’s the most genuine thing David has seen out of him in weeks and his brain melts a little.

“Yeah, should be fun.”

“You know we have to pretend to be proper soulmates, right?”

“We are proper soulmates.”

David winces at the slight impatience in Matteo’s voice.  “You know what I mean.”

Matteo’s face falls a little as he realizes what David is saying, that they’re going to have to touch and be together in a way they haven’t in far too many days.  “Shit.”

“Mmmmm.”

David stands up and moves to the bed, sits down on the edge so he can look down into Matteo’s face.  The light is hitting it the way it did the day they chose this apartment, making him glow with some kind of vibrant beauty even with his tired eyes and frowning expression.  The memory squeezes something really painful in David’s chest. He’d had his suspicions they were soulmates then, so why didn’t he say anything?  

“You want to know what I think?” David asks finally, hoping he’s keeping the quaver out of his voice.  He wants this to sound natural and logical since that’s what Matteo is responding to these days.

“What?” Matteo squints up at him.

“I think we need to get used to the whole touching thing again,” David says.  “Otherwise everyone will know something’s up.”

The face Matteo makes cuts David to the core, but he’s not rolling away and it’s not exactly disgust either.  More aggrieved dissatisfaction. He closes his eyes and when he opens them again there’s determination in them.

“Okay,” he says quietly.  The resignation in his voice stabs at David, but his heart is flying despite that.  The hug the day of the Great Confession, as David has taken to dramatically calling it in his head, didn’t work out.  He wasn’t able then to use their sensory connection to work things out with Matteo. But this here now  _ could _ work.  It’s quiet and there’s a purpose.  If he can only convince Matteo to relax and go with the flow again, then David may be able to figure out how to live with this whole thing.  Because he still wants Matteo and it seems that accepting a real bond, free will or not, is the only way he’s going to have what he wants. The last few days, when Matteo was fully aware of everything and was so distant as if they’re mere acquaintances and not best friends, those days have been the hardest David has ever had to endure.  

Biting his lip, hoping Matteo can’t sense the way his heart is racing, David indicates the bed.  “May I?” he asks. “Lie down, I mean.”

Matteo shrugs, but moves over a little to give David space.  It’s a start. David slides onto the bed, then turns to look at Matteo.  It’s weird, and he has no idea where to start. When they began this whole thing it was so natural, which in hindsight should have been telling, but now there are so many things hanging between them that just reaching out and touching Matteo’s face seems impossible.  So instead, David presses his foot against Matteo’s, who moves his to let them tangle together. Matteo’s face relaxes a little as he turns his head towards David, almost as if he too wasn’t sure how to go about this again. David smiles.

“I’m sorry,” he says, with his hand tucked under his chin and his eyes firm on Matteo’s.

“For what?” Matteo’s voice is softer than it has been since Great Confession day, and his eyes are less guarded.  He doesn’t move away.

“For not telling you about the soulmate thing.  You deserved to know.”

It takes a long time, possibly minutes though it feels like hours, before Matteo smiles back.  

“Thank you.”

As if that’s shifted something, Matteo shuffles closer and presses his foot more firmly against David’s.  His body relaxes, and he turns to mirror the position David is in, hand tucked under his chin and eyes on David’s.  He’s the one who reaches out with his other hand and lays gentle fingers on David’s cheek. He’s the one who trails them downwards so they settle at the juncture of David’s neck and jaw.  David’s eyes flutter closed, he can’t help it. After so long without, Matteo’s touch is like water in the middle of a heatwave. Soothing, cool, necessary.

They don’t talk more, neither of them moves closer, but they spend time breathing in each other, learning how to  _ be _ together again.  David knows it doesn’t mean what he wants it to mean ( in many ways he’s not even sure what that is), and he knows that Matteo just wants to make sure they are convincing when they meet up with the others.  But the feel of his body so close and his fingers so steady on David’s pulse is so natural and easy that he wants to stay here in this moment forever.

 

The meeting that Saturday isn’t easy.  For all that David and Matteo have slid into these small moments of closeness over the few days they’ve had to get prepared, it’s still a stiff and awkward Matteo who walks by David’s side towards Jonas and Hanna’s small home.  One thing David has noticed since he’s been paying attention is that whatever one of them is feeling tends to be transferred to the other one, which means that unfortunately  _ he’s _ feeling a stressed and anxious nausea in the pit of his stomach too.

“Matteo, wait,” he says, drawing Matteo to a stop just before they reach the apartment building.

Matteo stops and turns to David, his eyes widened with confusion.  “What?”

“You’re … it’s tense,” David says.  “And it’s making me feel the same way too.  Can we …? I think we should practice again.”

“It’s real though.  Why do we need to practice?”

“Because no matter how real, I don’t think we’re convincing the way we are right now.”

He holds his arms wide, indicating that Matteo should step into a hug.  Growling, muttering about a  _ waste of time, _ he does, wrapping his arms around David’s back and sighing heavily.  He starts out rigid and unresponsive, but David doesn’t move, just hugs him tighter.  Soon, Matteo starts to relax, his body melting into David’s and his breath a slight huff of warm air over David’s neck.  The stressful rhythm of his heart starts to slow, and David can feel his own body relaxing more in response. After a few moments, he steps back, releases Matteo.

“You good?”

Matteo nods, taking a breath and smiling more naturally than he has been lately.  “Yeah.” 

They head into Jonas’s apartment and are greeted at the door by an overly excited Carlos.  “Heeeeyyy! You’re here!” he cheers, dragging them into the room and tugging on their jackets to get them to take them off.  “Guys! Look who’s finally coming to visit the rest of us again.”

Matteo scowls, but it’s obviously a playful one.  “That’s what happens with soulmates, dickhead. You should know that.”

Jonas is giving them a considering look from his spot on the couch.  He nods at David and raises his eyebrows as if asking for confirmation.  David just smiles, wraps his arm around Matteo and nods briefly back. Matteo leans into his side, dropping his head onto David’s shoulder.  It’s easy and natural the way it was back at the start and David can feel his heart lifting in response. Now all he needs is to figure out how to keep this feeling in their normal everyday lives.

The evening progresses.  There are beers, terrible video games, more snacks than any of them should rightfully have been eating, and there is a lot of touch again.  It’s maybe not the way it was at the start, when neither of them was really overthinking what was happening between them because they both thought they were just acting.  Now that they know, there’s more of a frisson between them whenever they touch. Their gazes linger in a way they never have before. It’s heady and David almost feels like he could dive in and drown in this feeling.  The way they’re both acting is both achingly real and so studied it’s not natural. But when they do let themselves just be, with no thought behind it, it’s so easy to slip into the old rhythms.

Eventually, Matteo ends up on the floor with his back leaning up against David’s legs while he tries to take Abdi down in some game David has lost track of.  He’s warm, and it feels nice to have him there. It feels  _ right. _

Jonas is sitting next to David on the couch, or more rightly slumped with a beer cradled against his chest, having lost all interest in the game long ago.  

“It’s good, isn’t it?  Soulmates?” Jonas says quietly to David after observing him for a while.  David smiles. He can feel it’s small, pained twist and tries to smooth it into something more convincing.

“Yeah,” he agrees.  “It is. It’s … it’s not something I was ever really keen on, but …”

“But when it happens it’s awesome.”

David nods, watches as his fingers drift towards Matteo’s hair without thinking.  Notices when he starts twirling the strands between them, and the way Matteo sighs back into the caress.  Likes the way it grounds him while he does it.

“I was so fucking sure it’s better to be alone and have free will.”

“I know that feeling,” Jonas says as he takes a swig of his beer.  “I hated the idea, it’s so capitalistic you know. Get a soulmate, live the dream, buy some stuff.”

Huh.  David hadn’t realised that at all; he’d only seen the delight Jonas had felt once he’d figured out that he and Hanna have a bond.  It’s interesting to know he’s not the only one with reservations. And if he was to tell the truth Jonas and Hanna have one of the most stable soulmate bonds David has seen, despite its late start and the way it came to be.

“Capitalistic nightmare,” David agrees with a snort.  “It’s still that.”

“Yeah, but you get to live that nightmare with someone else.  And that may not be a dream always, but it’s nice. To have someone to bounce off and share things with.”

“Mmmm,” David agrees.  He watches his fingers in Matteo’s hair again, smiling at the way it makes him feel. Matteo glances back over his shoulder at David and smiles.  It’s unclear whether he’s heard the conversation, but the smile looks genuine and happy and he lifts his hand up so he can squeeze David’s. The fact that their bond is sensory is one of the things David actually likes about being forced into this thing.  The fact that he can touch Matteo and help his mood shift, or that Matteo can do the same for him, is a gift that he hadn’t realized he’d needed until it had been taken away from him the last week or two. “What sort of bond do you have?’ he asks absentmindedly as he keeps playing with the silky hair under his fingertips.

When Jonas laughs, David realizes he’s put his foot in it.  That’s not a question you generally ask so bluntly, as it can be a bit sensitive for some people, but Jonas doesn’t seem offended, just amused as he shifts in his chair.

“Ours is, I don’t even know how to describe it, but it’s about just knowing that she’s near when she’s around.  I can sense when she comes close.” He shrugs. “It’s good.”

“Ours is sensory,” David says, feeling like he should reciprocate.  “You know, touch and all that.”

“Oh,” Jonas says after a few moments, surprise and a dawning understanding clear on his face.  “That’s why it took so long to figure out? Because you never touched?”

“Yeah, that’s what the interviewer said.  It’s not a usual type so that’s why we never picked up on it.”

“Well, I’m happy for you, bro,” Jonas says.  “You seem happier, and Matteo does too.”

The conversation drifts into other topics and eventually the controllers lie discarded on the floor and everyone is surrounded by more empty beer bottles than is probably wise.  Matteo moved away from David soon after that talk with Jonas, but his eyes return often and the smile that lights his face looks blissful and sincere. David hopes it can be the start of a new chapter, one in which he can navigate his still-complicated feelings about this whole ‘chosen by the universe’ thing, but with Matteo this time.

He broaches the subject when they’re on their way home, rattling along in a late bus with Matteo’s cheek a sleepy presence on David’s shoulder.  It’s so good, feels so nice, that David wants to find a way to keep it forever. “Matteo?” he whispers, turning his head so he can press the tiniest of kisses onto the hair that’s so close and so tempting.

“Mmm?” It’s a barely there murmur, but David can feel the way Matteo’s body loses some of its relaxed posture so he knows Matteo is listening.

“I want …” he stops, tries to put this in words that will work this time, then realizes he’s just going to have to be honest.  “Do you maybe think we can give this a go?”

That really gets Matteo’s attention; he sits up abruptly, blinking as his eyes adjust and with a wary smile hovering in the corner of his mouth.

“Give what a go?”

“This.  Us. This soulmate thing.  Maybe work out how it can be a good thing for us both?”

“You hate soulmates, though.”

David growls, but it’s fond and exasperated rather than genuinely irritated.  “I don’t hate it, I keep telling you that. I just want free will, I want to pick for myself.”  He stops for a moment, looks at Matteo, takes in the hesitation in his eyes and the lingering hurt in his expression.  “I want to pick  _ you.” _   He laughs, self conscious, twists his fingers in his lap.  “I always did, it was just a lot to take in.”

“You’re an idiot.”

Matteo’s voice is so soft and so fond that David’s heart leaps.  “I know,” he admits. “I fucked up a lot and I hurt you and that sucked.  But I hurt me too, so that makes us even?”

“You’re going to take some responsibility now?” Matteo says, but he accompanies the words with a laugh that’s so unrestrained that David can’t help the smile that blooms on his face at the sound.  Matteo reaches out and takes David’s hand, twining their fingers together the way they did all those weeks ago when they first thought of the idea of faking this. Like then, it feels peaceful and David can feel the way he settles into the touch.

“I don’t know how it’s going to go,” Matteo says after a few moments.  “But yeah. We can try. It’s exhausting pretending not to want to touch you anyway.”

“Oh, you want to touch me, huh?  That irresistible, am I?”

“You wish,” Matteo says, snorting.  “This is my charity work for the year.  Helping out lost soulmate boys with touch issues.”

But the firm clasp he keeps on David’s hand, and the softness of the smile on his lips bely the words.  His fingers run a steady line on the back of David’s hand, sending shivers through him.

“I like you,” David says now, carefully.  He hopes Matteo gets the meaning, hopes he knows this is finally his response to the confession Matteo made at their party.  The one that started David’s spiral.

If the pink that rises into Matteo’s cheeks is anything to go by, he does, but he doesn’t say anything, just squeezes David’s hand more tightly then leans his head back on his shoulder.

“‘M tired now,” he mutters.  “Wake me up when we get home.”

And that, David thinks as he rests his own cheek on Matteo’s wild hair, is something he’ll willingly do forever if it means he gets to keep Matteo like this.

 

“You have to be nice to me, though,” David says the next morning, staring over his shoulder at Matteo fondly even though he’s got his feet behind David’s knees and is trying to push him out of the bed.  “You’re my soulmate and that’s what soulmates do.”

Matteo, who has decided they’re going to go out somewhere together today to celebrate their new understanding, rolls his eyes and moves his legs so he can push against David’s back, still trying to make him get up and moving.  “That’s such a fucking lie,” he says. “Soulmates obviously exist to annoy the shit out of each other.”

Laughing, David wriggles far enough out of his way and twists so that he can pull Matteo back into an embrace.  He doesn’t resist much, his body curling up into David’s in a way that makes his heart explode a little from some sort of sappy delight that’s overtaken him in the last day.  

“You admit you annoy the shit out of me?”

“Fuck you!”

“If you like.”

It’s charming, David thinks as he watches the crimson slowly creep up into Matteo’s cheeks at the suggestion.  He’s not sure why he denied himself this for so long, because it’s better than he ever thought it could be. Fate or not, free will or not, he’s happy and that’s what actually counts.  He remembers what Laura had said on that seemingly long ago day when he’d asked her why she thought David and Matteo being soulmates was good when she knew how he felt about the whole idea.   _ Because I think you don’t hate it as much as you think you do.  And because he makes you happy. _   However irritating that had been at the time, she’d been right.  David has been scared, not sure he deserved the sort of peace he got from soulmates, and that had all come out in an over zealous need for control and independence.  If he controlled his own existence, David didn’t need to fear rejection when all his flaws were exposed.

Looking down into Matteo’s face now it all becomes a lot more clear.  Matteo is so soft and warm, so willing to give everything of himself, meaning it was never going to be the way David had feared.   _ He’d _ said it all one day, too.   _ You can still have free will and not be alone.  It’s nice to share things. Have someone else to bounce ideas off. _   It’s true.  David had rejected it that day, pushing away the suggestion with his own well rehearsed thoughts on the topic.  But if he lets himself think about it, everything has been good during the times when he just let himself be, when he’d followed what his body and his heart had wanted, rather than thinking it all through via a lens of needing to be strong and in control of every tiny aspect of his own life.

So he gives into it, lets his hands do what they always want to do: touch.  They trace the lines of Matteo’s jaw and he watches in fascination as Matteo’s eyes flicker closed and his jaw tenses then relaxes under the soft touch.  He smiles, his fingers move to Matteo’s lips. Lips David has wanted to kiss again ever since that one night that had sealed their bond and freaked him out with the permanence of the things they’re feeling.

“Hi,” he whispers, watches as Matteo’s eyes open again, dark oceans filled with affection and some other thing David can’t label but which floods his body with heat when he sees it.

“Hey,” Matteo whispers back, his breath a warm weight on David’s finger.  

He leans down, presses their lips together.  Matteo’s fingers tangle in his hair as he pulls him in closer and David almost whimpers at the intensity of the feelings that hit him now.  It’s better this time because it’s real. Because they’re both on the same page. He can’t help himself, either. His hands, now that he’s allowed to, seem to want to touch every inch of Matteo’s face at all times.  He caresses his ears, his neck, his jaw, runs his fingers through the silky lengths of his hair. Matteo seems to feel the same way, his hands roaming too, lodging in David’s hair, cupping his face, running along his cheek.  It’s as if all the days of holding back have released a flood and they can’t stop touching. Their bodies, too, melt together, taking whatever comfort they can, legs tangling, chests pressed close.

It’s soon too much and David has to pull back, has to look at Matteo again.  Even then, though, his hands can’t help their need to run through his hair, to caress the bits that have flopped out over his forehead, pushing them back so he can see Matteo’s eyes.  

“This is good,” he says quietly, looking down into that face he’s learned to love.

“What’s good?” Matteo asks, his voice soft with his own affection, and his eyes loving beams.

“This.  All of it.  Being soulmates.”

Matteo laughs then, and there’s something a little bitter in it behind the obvious pleasure.  “Really?” he asks.

“Really.”  David keeps his gentle movements in Matteo’s hair, the feeling between his fingers soothing him as much as it seems to relax Matteo.  “It’s still a bit scary,” he says, deciding to be as honest as possible. “But doing it with you … it doesn’t seem like that’s such a bad thing.  Having someone to work through everything with. Having  _ you.” _

The smile that lights Matteo’s face then is everything.  His hands have been tapping a gentle rhythm on David’s shoulder but now they slide back up to his face and he pulls him back into another kiss.  David melts into it, happy that he can finally do this as much as he wants. It’s all still delicate and fragile between them, with no real guarantee of anything but that’s how David likes it.  Choosing for himself to take that chance, to take this plunge.


	7. Matteo

Matteo stretches, his limbs still heavy with sleep.  The sun is streaming in through the window, because they forgot to pull the curtains last night, and casts a soft glow over everything in the room.  It lights up the space, making the creamy yellow of the walls brighter and more welcoming. The light beam is angled so that it shines directly onto the bed, pinning Matteo down with the weight of its warmth.  Or maybe that’s David’s arm. Matteo turns his head to the side and smiles as he sees David lying next to him, his face soft and young in the fresh morning light. It overwhelms him a little that this is reality now.  That nothing they do is for any sort of pretence or act, but because they choose to. Because they want to.

David’s arm, curled across Matteo’s chest and tucked in under his elbow, is a physical reminder as is the leg he’s got casually thrown between Matteo’s.  They’ve always gravitated towards each other in sleep, bodies recognizing what their heads were too stubborn to admit. But this morning it feels deeper. Bigger.  This morning it feels real and uninhibited. Matteo’s smile widens as David snuffles a little and wriggles so he’s more firmly pressed against Matteo with his head on his shoulder.  The dark hair tickles under his chin and Matteo has to close his eyes to avoid combusting entirely when warm lips brush the delicate skin of his neck.

“Morning,” David mutters into the skin, before pressing a firmer kiss under his jaw, which makes him shiver.

“Hey,” Matteo responds.  

He moves, languid limbs difficult to motivate but he’s on a mission.  He ends up pressed closer to David and decides it’s a sign he should be getting a kiss.  So he shuffles down in the bed and rolls until he’s turned into David, finally close enough to slide their lips together.  David laughs against his lips.

“Gross.  Morning breath,” he says, sniggering at the look Matteo gives him, one filled with irritation and desperation.

He moves again, flops on top of David and, after a few seconds of wrestling, manages to get David’s hands in his own and held above his head.  David’s still laughing, his eyes lit up and his face open and delighted as he looks up at Matteo. It’s such a beautiful sight, there in the warm glow of the sun, that Matteo can’t hold the teasing pose any longer.  He sits back, resting on David’s hips, the grip on his hands softer now, held between them, pressed against his chest.  

“You’re so gorgeous,” he says, letting his eyes travel to take in every inch of this boy he’s now tied to forever.  There’s something haunting in the line of his jaw, in the way his piercing highlights the shape of his face, in the soft fullness of his lips, the rich color of his eyes.  The strength in his body, the passion in his laugh, the vibrant joy with which he does everything: those are also things Matteo has always noticed and loved. But he’s never really let himself look at this face, not in a way that meant he could savor what he was seeing.  So he drinks it in now.

David rolls his eyes, though the gleam in those beautiful eyes suggests he’s enjoying this.  “Seen enough yet?” he asks, a cheeky quality in his voice, and Matteo snorts. He considers teasing, saying something joking because that’s what he’s used to.  But instead he lets himself feel this for once.

“It’ll never be enough,” he says.  “Lucky I get to do this forever if I want to.”

“What?  Stare at me like a creep?  Don’t I get a say in this?”

Matteo releases David’s hands, and lets his own fall to David’s sides where they start a gentle slide back and forth as he draws comfort from the touch.  David’s hands fall naturally to rest on Matteo’s thighs and start a languid slide down to his knees and back. He shivers at the touch, still not used to the way David makes him feel.

“As if you don’t love it,” Matteo says, trying for levity, but he can hear the vulnerability in his voice and wants to kick himself.  Because it’s not like they haven’t talked about this, so there’s no reason for him to feel vulnerable or awkward or fearful or whatever the fuck the stupid emotion that’s attacking him is.  But it’s too new, this thing they have. It’s too new, the idea that David has decided to try. It’s too new, the hope that’s flooding Matteo when he thinks about it. Because he doesn’t want to give in to it fully, doesn’t trust the happiness that fizzes under his skin.  

David seems to get it because he stills, then smiles.  A small, tender crease at the corners of his lips. “I do,” he says.  “I do love it. More than I ever thought I would,” he admits. He reaches up with one of his hands, brushes the hair behind Matteo’s ear, lets his fingers caress the skin there, lighting up Matteo’s body without even really trying.  

Matteo smiles, leans down into another kiss.  It’s not easy, trusting in this thing they have.  But it is easy, trusting in David and the way his touch makes Matteo feel.  So he lets himself enjoy it, pushes away all the things that have been in the past.  That’s where they belong, after all.  

“We need to get up now, though,” David says when they pause for a moment, though he keeps his hands firmly on Matteo’s face and pulls him in for another kiss.  “Laura,” he says eventually, between kisses, “wants … mmm, she wants us … to go for lunch.”

“I know,” Matteo says, kissing him again, lets his lips linger, drifting over David’s, unwilling to move even though he knows David is right.  “I was here, remember, in our tiny apartment where I can hear everything you say to everyone.”

“Ass,” David says, pushing at Matteo’s face and making him sit back again.  “This is important to her. She wants you to meet her soulmate properly.”

“I’ve met her soulmate,” Matteo says, but after a minute or two of pointless bickering over the subject, he does concede the point that he never really met her ‘properly’ as David’s official soulmate, and starts to move off the bed.

When they get to Laura’s place, she throws the door open and grins.  “Oh look who it is. My dumbass brother and his dumbass soulmate.”

There’s laughter from behind her and Lia appears in the doorway, hooking her chin over Laura’s shoulder and looking at them with curiosity.  

“Took them long enough,” she says before placing a kiss on Laura’s cheek and pushing away again to go into the kitchen.

“You have no idea,” Laura says, smirking at them before she too moves back enough so that they can follow her into the apartment.

She bustles around making drinks for everyone while Lia stirs something on the stove that smells really amazing.  Laura and Lia smile at each other every time their eyes meet, bodies turning to each other almost with no thought, and Matteo feels the afterburn, a sting and pang of the old jealousy welling up again when he sees it.  The way all the soulmated couples would do that used to make him feel so alienated and lonely, and it’s a hard sensation to drop even when he knows he has his own soulmate now. David scoots closer to him, dragging his chair close so he can tuck his leg in under Matteo’s.  

“You know what these dumbasses did?” Laura is saying casually to her soulmate, while Lia turns to her with a raised brow and an already-amused expression on her face.  It’s clear she knows Laura is about to roast them. With David’s leg under his, though, and his arm along the back of his chair, Matteo finds he doesn’t mind too much. He just rolls his eyes and snorts his irritation.  Laura grins as she runs her fingers down Lia’s cheek before bringing two cups over to the table. “They thought this was all make believe.”

Lia’s face changes to genuine amusement.  “They what?”

“You heard me,” Laura says, giving David a pat on the arm as she gives him his coffee then slides Matteo’s over to him.  “They thought that this,” she waves a hand in their general direction, “was just something they were faking.”

With a roll of her eyes and an amused chuckle, Lia turns back to her cooking.  It’s not long before her deft hands are dishing the food onto plates and bringing them over to the table, then following it up with a basket of freshly made rolls, still warm as she uncovers them.  Matteo keeps his focus on what she’s doing because listening to Laura tease David about his obliviousness makes him squirm. It hits too close to home, that they really were blind and could have been this happy sooner if they’d both been a little less stupid and a little more open with each other.  Lia laughs along with Laura and David as they discuss it, clearly finding the entire situation amusing. Matteo thinks maybe it  _ is _ a little funny, and will at least make for a good story when they’re old, but it’s hard to relax into it when the ache is still so fresh.

“But seriously,” Lia says as she sits down at the table with them.  “Why pretend? Even if you thought you weren’t soulmates?” She pushes the basket with the newly made bread towards Matteo and he gratefully accepts it, taking a roll to avoid being the one to answer the question.  Because he doesn’t really know. He knows why he thought he needed to, remembers well the panicked desperation that had swamped him and made the suggestion almost sensible. But he’s still not really sure why David did it.

“Well,” David says slowly, carefully splitting open his own roll and reaching for the butter.  “Matteo needed somewhere to live and for that he needed a soulmate. It seemed … logical.”

Lia’s snort at that is so loud Matteo is sure they probably heard it all the way in Hamburg.  “That was more logical than … I don’t know … than finding a place and just rooming together?”

Matteo glances at David and shrugs.  “It made sense? At the time?” he says, but it really is more of a question than a statement.  There is the lingering knowledge that their soulbond was probably pushing them together in more and more desperate and ridiculous ways until one of them finally stuck.  So while it seemed to be making sense at the time, it probably wasn’t the wisest idea either of them had. And it probably wasn’t entirely their own, either.

“What I still don’t understand,” Laura says between bites as if she’s thinking along the same lines, “is why you even thought of it, David.  You always hated the idea of soulmates.”

The crimson that blooms in David’s cheeks then, as Lia chokes on a sudden laugh, is far more endearing than it has any right to be and Matteo can’t resist the urge to lean forward and kiss the one nearest to him.  The skin is heated under his lips, and David turns to lean his forehead on Matteo’s temple when he turns back to look at Laura, his embarrassment clear in every taut line of his body. He draws in a long breath then sits back so he can look at his sister.

His eyes flicker to Matteo as he mutters, “didn’t hate it.”

There’s a knowing warmth in Laura’s eyes as she leans across the table to pat his hand.  “It’s okay, you can say it; it’s just us.”

David shoves her away with a scowl.  She gives him a look, which makes David roll his eyes but nod.  “I wanted to spend time with Matteo, wanted him to choose me even if we weren’t soulmates.  It … it seemed like too good an opportunity to miss.”

Those words send a warm flood of happiness through Matteo.  He doesn’t think he’ll ever get sick of hearing about how David felt back when Matteo was desperately in love and sure he had no chance with yet another best friend crush.

“For the record,” Matteo says, turning to look at David and drawing his eyes towards him, “I wanted to choose you too.  Always have. Soulmates wouldn’t change that, free will or not.”

“Mmmm,” Lia cuts in.  “My parents weren’t soulmates and they were together for years.  Still are. And my brother and his soulmate decided to just be really good platonic friends.”  She shrugs. “You can choose what you want to do with it, you know.”

“I know that  _ now,” _ David says.  

“Yeah,” Matteo agrees, poking David in the side.  “You spent weeks not choosing me because of your hangups.”

He’s laughing and thankfully David is too.  “You ass, I was not doing that!”

Matteo runs his fingers lightly over David’s cheek, just to feel the blissful tingle of the bond trail the touch, warming his fingers now he’s aware of it.  “You kind of were,” he says softly, leans forward to brush his lips over David’s. Normally he’d be self conscious about this where people can see, but here and now it feels natural.  An affirmation that, no matter how much those weeks had hurt, he’s happy  _ now, _ and that’s what counts.

Laura clears her throat, and rolls her eyes when the sound makes both Matteo and David jump as they remember there are other people here with them.  “You’re both dumbasses anyway. We all knew even if you two were too stupid.”

“I don’t understand how, if we never touched and didn’t know.”  It’s one thing Matteo has been curious about ever since he found out they really are soulmates.  How certain everyone else around them was, when everything had felt so uncertain to him. When the idea that he could have a soulmate at all, let alone David, was inconceivable and he was steeped so deep into his own melancholy that he wasn’t even truly aware it existed.

“Outside people can sometimes see better,” Lia says.  “I don’t think we necessarily knew about the soulmate thing.  But it was obvious you felt something for each other.”

And well,  _ that’s _ embarrassing.  Matteo’s not sure if he should be hiding under the table with the shame of being so transparent, or whether he should just be basking in the delight that David felt it too, had always felt it and that his feelings were also obvious to other people.

“How many people know what dumbasses you are?” Laura asks finally as she lays her cutlery down on her plate and pushes it away from her.  “Or more to the point … are you going to confess your sins to the officials?”

David looks at Matteo and raises his brows carefully.  Matteo shrugs. He doesn’t want to, and anyway since they  _ are _ soulmates it seems like a lot of unnecessary pain for very little gain.  David seems to understand that because he grins and shakes his head.

“I don’t think so,” he says.  “The official lady was so impressed by us that I’d hate to take that away from her.”

“Mmmm,” Laura says as she examines them.  “Maybe not them, then. But you should probably tell your friends.”

Matteo sighs.  He knows she’s right, but the idea that they have to tell them he was trying to deceive them makes him feel anxious.  He knows they’ll understand, knows Jonas at least won’t take it badly. At least, he  _ hopes _ he won’t.  But it’s not easy going into the whole complicated situation, talking about what happened with his mother and why they decided to do this faking thing.  His mother. Fuck. He really should say something to her, too. She has a right to know. She’s doing better now, so it’s probably time that she knows about what’s been happening with him.  He gives a weak smile as he nods his agreement with Laura. She smiles back, sympathy in her eyes as if she gets it.

David takes his hand, runs his fingers in the soothing circles he knows work best to settle Matteo.  It’s enough. He can do this; he has his soulmate, after all. Everything else can be dealt with as it comes.

 

It takes time to find the right moment for confession, and Matteo wonders if he’s just procrastinating for the sake of it, or if he’s genuinely just not finding a good moment.  He doesn’t want to make it a big deal, after all. Doesn’t want to call everyone in for some sort of formal event. So he waits, and David waits, and between them it’s another week before there’s a chance to slide it into conversation casually.  

It’s another of Abdi’s messily-planned yet still entertaining gatherings.  This one came up at the last minute, born of boredom and a desire to ‘do some fucking weed with my fucking boys’ which means they’re all cramped into Matteo and David’s tiny apartment again since they’re the only ones who don’t have another person to consider in their space.

The weed is long since gone, smoked into a haze in the air and a buzz in their veins.  Matteo feels comfortable, light and boneless. He grins, lets his head fall back onto David’s shoulder where they’re half-reclining on the couch.

“Ouch!” David exclaims as he hits slightly harder than he’d expected.  “Get your bony head off my arm.”

Matteo swipes at the hand he’s using to try to push him off with a half-hearted shove and collapses giggling as it connects with David’s neck instead and makes him screech in surprise.  His head nearly topples off the shoulder and it’s only David’s arm rolling up in a fluid motion to catch him that prevents it from happening. Matteo lets out a contented noise and snuggles in closer, turning into David’s body in a way that he doesn’t usually let himself do when there are other people present.  But the combination of weed and beer has him feeling reckless enough to give in to the impulse as David’s arm moves higher up on Matteo’s shoulder to pull him in closer.

He closes his eyes, feeling soporific enough that he could sleep if he can just stay here in the warm bubble created by David’s body.  From a distance, he hears someone asking, “does he always do that?” and David’s laugh rumbling through Matteo’s body as he says, “yeah, pretty much.”

Matteo cracks one eye open reluctantly and works out that it was Carlos who’d spoken.  He’s sitting forward on the edge of the bed, staring at them in fascination.

“You didn’t do that other times,” he says, tilting his head as if he’s trying to work out what might have been different before.  “It was good, you know, with the vibes. But not like this. This is …” he waves his hand, clearly trying to find a word to explain what he means but coming up short.

Freezing fear suddenly floods Matteo, and the pleasantly lightheaded buzz dissipates as if it was never there.  He squints up at David, trying to read his face. He knows this is their opportunity, but he’s unwilling to say anything unless David wants to.  The look he gets in return is cheerful enough, and he nods. So Matteo swallows and sits up. David’s arm comes around his shoulder again and he leans his head against Matteo’s.  His presence strengthens Matteo’s resolve.

“Boys,” he says, trying not to let his voice wobble over the word but fairly sure he’s failing if the slight pressure on his shoulder is anything to go by.

“What is it?” 

Jonas this time, lounging back against their pillows, swigging beer.  He looks relaxed and happy and Matteo has a slight tingle of fear that it’s going to be different, that he won’t be so casual once he knows they were deceiving him.  He keeps his eyes on Jonas as he takes a breath and gets ready to speak.

“We … I think we should really tell you guys something.”

“That sounds serious,” Abdi says, placing his own beer down on a table and leaning forward to mirror Carlos’s position of focused interest.  It’s a little overwhelming and Matteo can feel his hands shaking as he closes his eyes for strength.

Beside him, David laughs.  “It’s not too serious,” he says.  “No-one’s dying or anything. We just … um …”

His hesitation breaks Matteo’s tension and he laughs, relaxing.   _ “You _ can’t even say it?” he asks, turning so he can look at David, who shrugs.  Matteo decides on a whim as he looks into that beloved face lit up and filled with laughter, that he wants to mess with the guys, wants to see that face helpless with laughter.  So he raises his brows, trying to let David know he wants to drag this out. The quirk of David’s lips and the light in his eyes tells Matteo he knows what he’s doing and he’ll go along with it.  So, Matteo turns back to the boys, who all look confused and still befuddled by the various substances they’ve taken. “This thing with us … we were faking it,” Matteo says, quietly and seriously.

“What thing?” Carlos asks.  “The soulmate thing?”

Matteo nods and they all stare at the two of them for a few seconds.  David is shaking with laughter beside him, which makes it easier for Matteo.  He schools his face into something that’s close to natural, trying to emulate naive innocence, and waits.  David tucks his head down into the crook of Matteo’s neck to hide his laughter, which doesn’t help Matteo stay controlled.  He wants to laugh himself now, from the look on the other three boys’ faces, and the warm breath tickling at what David knows is one of his most sensitive spots doesn’t make it any easier to maintain his composure.

“Bullshit,” Abdi says finally when they work out that Matteo isn’t about to say anymore.  

“It’s true,” Matteo says casually.  Or as close to casually as he can manage.  He picks up his beer, and drinks to hide the smirk he can’t quite control, before settling back to his studied calm as he puts it down again.

“No, but what about all this bullshit?” Carlos asks, pointing at them with an accusing finger, as if to bring up the way they’re lying together practically on top of each other.  

“And that sensory bond stuff,” Jonas adds.  “You’re so touchy now it’s almost sickening.”

David seems to have regained his own composure now and he sits forward to impress upon the others the seriousness of the situation.  “Matteo’s right. We were faking it.”

Carlos shakes his head emphatically.  “I don’t believe it.” He turns to Abdi.  “You don’t believe this, do you? There’s no way this was all fake.”

“Ah,” David says now, cutting in to the argument that’s clearly about to break out as Abdi opens his mouth.  “We didn’t say it was all fake.”

Abdi turns back to them with an exaggerated sigh.  “What?”

“We didn’t say it was all fake,” Matteo repeats.  He’s really starting to enjoy this now.

“No, that’s what you just said,” Jonas cuts in now.  He’s set his beer down and swung around so he’s facing the couch where Matteo and David are sitting.  “‘We were faking it’ - that’s what you  _ said.” _

“Yeah, we were faking it,” Matteo agrees.

“But it wasn’t all fake,” David says.

All three of the others are staring at them, disbelieving, and Matteo can’t hold the serious pose any longer.  He collapses against David’s chest gasping with laughter. He feels free, for once. It’s been a very long time since he was able to just let go and feel like he didn’t have to hold anything back. Since he was able to laugh without constraint.

When he finally splutters to a halt, he smiles at David, takes his hand, and turns back to the boys.  They’re all looking at him with various expressions of confusion or bewilderment. It’s almost enough to push Matteo back to hiccuping laughs, but he holds it in.  Smiles at them again. Feels the sadder, more pensive mood settle onto him as he thinks about what he’s saying, what he needs to say.

 “Seriously, though,” he says, “things were pretty shitty back when this all started.  I … my mother had to go into a hospital, you know that part.” He looks around and the others nod.  They’re all aware of how shitty that stuff was. “But the other part was that meant I had to move out.  I … they … we couldn’t keep the apartment, and I felt really awkward telling you guys that part. So I … didn’t.”

He shrugs, uncomfortable, not really enjoying the memory of that time.  David rubs his hand over Matteo’s back, instantly helping him relax. He smiles at him gratefully.  

David picks up the story, then, for which Matteo is also grateful.  He listens to David telling the boys all about the idea they had, and that they truly thought they were just pretending.  He listens to the boys’ incredulity, again marvelling at the way everyone else could see what he and David were so blind to.

“I’m happy for you, bro,” Carlos says, reaching out to slap Matteo on the shoulder.  “I’m glad you figured it out finally.”

“Thanks,” Matteo breathes, but his attention is all on Jonas.  He’s the one who Matteo’s most worried about. He’s the one whose opinion matters.  He remembers, back when Jonas first knew Hanna is his soulmate, how scared Matteo was that he’d lose him. It feels even scarier now.  Jonas seems to get it because he climbs off the bed and come over to where Matteo is sitting and wraps his arms around him.

“I’m proud of you, and I’m happy for you.”

Matteo hugs him back.  “Thank you,” he whispers.  “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you earlier.”

Jonas shakes his head as he stands up again.  “I get it. And anyway…” His face lights up in a teasing grin.  “Anyway, you’re so bad at lying that you were actually telling the truth all along.”

“Fuck you,” Matteo says, but he’s flooded with relief.  It’s okay and it’s going to be okay. The rest of the evening fades into its usual chaos and Matteo relaxes into it.  It’s fun, and with David always curled around him and his boys laughing at them every few minutes, he feels involved and accepted.  It’s heady and Matteo thinks he could get used to this.

 

The place is the same as it was last time, but Matteo feels vastly different.  Then, he was focused on the sterility of the front room, of the institutional feeling that hung over every inch even while it was obvious it was trying to be welcoming and inviting.  Today, he can appreciate those small pockets of comfort that the staff have been peppering around the place. Today, the love and care take center stage rather than the fact that it’s still so clearly a hospital.

They make their way through the long corridors, some carpeted and almost like dormitories rather than a hospital, others covered in hard linoleum which is difficult to shroud in any mask that conceals what it is.  But there have been attempts even in those ones to soften them with small plants and the occasional plump looking couch or armchair with bookcases scattered here or there. Every step takes him closer to his mother, to what he has to face up to, so he takes in these small details to avoid thinking about what’s coming.

Matteo is holding tight to David’s hand, his own trembling where it sits in David’s and pooling uncomfortably with cold sweat, because somehow the idea of doing this is even harder than it was with the boys.  It feels worse that he’s been deceiving his mother, because she’s so much more fragile than everyone else, and she deserved to know what was going on with him. His excuse, that she didn’t need the stress, doesn’t really sit well now that he has to tell her the truth. 

His mother is seated in the garden this time, her face radiant as she watches the various flowers dance in the slight breeze.  Her hair is glowing, wisps of it tickling her face and she laughs as she pushes them back and looks up. Her smile when she sees Matteo is so bright and genuine that his heart lifts and then cracks a little.  She stands, waits for him to get closer and then pulls him into a hug. It’s nice, but now Matteo feels like a fraud because he’s accepting love from a mother who doesn’t really know him at all.

David senses his hesitations because his hand comes to rest on Matteo’s back as he wraps his own arms around his mother and buries his nose in her neck.  He can feel the tears close to the surface this time. He moves back so he can see her face, catches the confusion and worry that’s now taken up residence.  That’s his fault, he thinks sadly. He’s the one who’s made her beautiful vibrant mood collapse into this.

“Mamma, I have to tell you something,” he whispers.  “I’ve done something … bad.”

David’s hand on his back slides, moves so it comes to rest on his shoulder where he can rub small lines onto his neck.  It helps. Matteo drags a deep breath in and smiles, feels it wobbling over his face.

“Matteo.  Baby. Whatever it is, I’m sure it’s not bad and forgiveness awaits all those who repent.”

Swallowing a sad ache at her words, and her faith that nothing is ever irrecoverable, Matteo nods.  He reaches up with one hand to take David’s, drawing comfort from the touch, and lets out a breath before he speaks.

“I … uh.   _ We _ … well … we … it was a lie, Mamma.  The soulmate thing I said last time. It was a lie.  I’ve been lying to you.”

He hasn’t been able to meet her eyes as he says it, his fear of her disappointment and rejection is so big, so he misses whatever expression flits over her face before she laughs.  That sound jolts him out of his terror, the icy wash of shame flushed away in the rosy sound.

“It’s not a lie, though, is it?” she says, looking from one to the other.  “This is a bond.”

“Well, yeah,” David says carefully, placing each word down as if it’s a precious cargo.  And maybe it is. Maybe between them, they can make this work okay if they only use the right words.  “It is a bond, but we thought we were faking it for a long time.”

Her eyes look bright and curious as she tilts her head to look between the two of them.  Then she nods, pats both their cheeks and smiles. “Soulbonds always do find a way.”

Out of the corner of his eye, Matteo catches the twist of David’s lips at her words and his heart sinks a little.  While he knows, with absolute certainty, that David is all-in with him on this journey, it still stabs to remember that he’s always had reservations about soulmates and soulbonds.  But within a second, David is grinning, that wide joyous smile he wears so often these days, and he nods. “Maybe they do,” he agrees. “Soulbond or not, I’m glad it’s Matteo.”

The look he gives Matteo then, filled with appreciation and a longing that Matteo is starting to realize has been with him since they first met, makes his body flush with heated delight.  He turns to his mother, glancing back at David as he does.

“Mamma.  We may have been lying.  But there’s always been one truth.”

She pushes his hair back off his face and smiles encouragingly.  “What’s that?”

He lets his eyes flicker back towards David so he can take in that face as he says it.  “I love him,” he says, watches as David’s eyes widen and a slow smile creeps onto his face, incapable of containing the one that mirrors it on his own face.  He turns back to his mother. “I think I always did.”

“I think so, too,” she says quietly.  “This thing with you has always been different.”

David laughs, a giddiness in the sound that makes Matteo’s heart flutter because  _ he _ did that.  His words caused David to be giddy that way.  He’s not sure he’s ever going to get used to that, to having this one person (to having  _ David) _ who’s his.  Forever.

“It’s called a soulbond,” David says, deadpan.  But there’s a light in his eyes and a brightness to his smile that makes it obvious he’s teasing, and Matteo’s mother laughs her rosy laugh again as she sits back down on the bench.

Matteo still feels like he’s cheating somehow, that he doesn’t deserve this acceptance after what they did, or tried to do.  But the fact that no-one else seems to care makes it feel a little easier, as does the way David pulls him down to sit with him as they enjoy a few more minutes with Matteo’s mother explaining her favorite parts of the garden.  It’s peaceful, the cool winter sunlight a welcome counterpoint to the sometimes miserable weather they’ve been having. Maybe it’s a sign, Matteo thinks as he leans his head back and basks in the warmth while listening to David talking animatedly with his mother about the things he’d like to sketch if he can come back here.  Maybe it’s a sign that he should stop worrying and start letting the light of happiness shine into his life.  

 

“It was nice of you to have everyone at your place like this,” Matteo says to Laura a few days later.  

He’s leaning on the wall of Laura’s living room with a beer in his hand as a party swirls around him.  The beer is going warm in his hands, though, as he drinks less of it than he usually does at these things.  He feels much more at peace with himself and with the various soulmated couples dancing around him. David is in the thick of it, dancing with Leonie and Sara, the three of them laughing with heads thrown back and an ease that makes Matteo smile.  David’s boundless enthusiasm is one thing he’ll never get enough of.

Laura shrugs, drinks her own beer.  “It’s for you, dumbass.” She catches his shocked face and smirks.  “You and David. Soulbonding.”

Matteo frowns, confused.  “But we already had a party.”

“Not really.  You were both still ‘faking’ back then.  And it was in your tiny shithole of an apartment.”

“Take that back!” Matteo says, taking another sip of his beer, his grin cocky as he teases her.  “It’s a beautiful apartment.”

“Whatever,” she says, rolling her eyes.  “This party is the real deal. You know, for the real soulmate deal.  Enjoy.”

With that she’s gone, moving off the wall and going in search of Lia presumably.  Matteo’s eyes drift back to David, who looks up and over at him at that moment. The way his eyes light up and his smile softens into affection makes Matteo’s heart leap.  David’s head tilts and his lips purse in the way he has when he’s teasing Matteo, who can’t help the smile that’s dragged onto his face at the way he’s staring. David smirks, beckons him over, and again Matteo is helpless is the face of that.  He’ll always go where David wants him to, which sounds horrifically soppy but he knows David feels the same. Knows that if it was Matteo quirking his eyebrows and daring him to come closer, that David would be just as helpless to resist

When he gets to the small group in the middle of the dance floor, David draws him into an embrace and Matteo laughs, wrapping his arms around David’s waist and breathing in the sense of him.

“Can’t get enough of me, huh?”

David’s breath whispers over his neck as he, too, laughs.  “Never.”

“You didn’t use to say that,” Matteo says softly, tilting his head and pulling David close enough to rest their foreheads together.  

“Because I was stupid,” David says, just as softly.  “Stupid and scared.”

“Not scared anymore?” Matteo asks, because he never tires of hearing this part.  Because David always gives in and tells Matteo what he wants to hear.

David, amused, indulges Matteo.  “Not anymore,” he says, his eyes deep pools of fondness.  “I have you now, and that’s pretty cool.”

“Pretty cool,” Matteo agrees.  “I’m glad it’s you.”

Leonie and Sara fade into nothingness as Matteo sways along with David.  He’s happy here, content. The last few times he was at a bonding party, Matteo felt miserable.  He was isolated and staring down the barrel of a long life of loneliness. But now he’s here, in the arms of his own soulmate.  His own real soulmate. One who’s maybe still trying to work his way through what it means to  _ be _ a soulmate and how to feel about it.  But one who loves Matteo and who Matteo loves in return.  

He smiles, draws back enough to see David again, catches a flicker in his eye.  That flicker warms every inch of Matteo’s body and he can feel his own face changing, softening.  It’s fascinating to watch the way David’s mirrors what must be going on in his own face. He licks his lips, his eyes drift down to Matteo’s.  All laughter fades away as their lips meet. After everything, this is what matters. Matteo and David. Together, working it out. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, that's it now. We're all done with dumbass fake soulmates and their pining. Thank you all for reading and supporting this little fic. I hope you enjoyed the journey. If you want to say hi, yell about the fic, ask questions or just generally interact please come on over to my tumblr. I always love to talk to new people <3


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